Funny Quotes · Page 336

Only those live who do good.

— Leo Tolstoy

Cats are designated friends.

— Norman Corwin

Ignorance can't be pardoned. Only cured.

— Robert Silverberg

Nothing is more permanent than the temporary.

— A. E. Stallings

It hurteth not the toung to give faire words.

— John Heywood

I am more faithful than I intended to be!

— Tennessee Williams

Splendid couple - slept with both of them.

— Maurice Bowra

Trends that can't continue, won't.

— Herbert Stein

Make your life a happy one. That is where success is possible to every man.

— Robert Powell

In the stock market... You can be right for the wrong reasons or wrong for the right reasons.

— John Allen Paulos

The walk of shame at the store when you have to put somethingback because your mom saysno

— Anonymous

“Blood is thicker than water, but they still use corn starch as a thickener on cooking shows”

— Josh Stern

Let [us] seek for wisdom instead of power and [we] will have all the power [we] have wisdom to exercise.

— Eliza R. Snow

It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility!

— Anonymous

being funny is a way of being liked and a way of dealing with sadness.

— Wendy Wasserstein

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

— Nikhil Saluja

The thing that attracted me the most was comedy acting and people like Catherine Tate and Olivia Colman; people doing funny voices…

— Lolly Adefope

A man who is right by your side through everything makes you happy. But he can leave your side to make dinner…

— Faith Hill

It's funny, I probably have 500 pairs of shoes - all these sneakers or whatever that I've collected - but when push…

— Kenny Stills

Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and…

— Mitch Hedberg

The proverb says, "Born lucky, always lucky," and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was…

— Mark Twain

My faith has cost me a lot of money. Because I do creative roles, and I guess someone could think of me…

— Siobhan Fallon Hogan

There comes a moment in the day when you have written your pages in the morning, attended to your correspondence in the…

— H. G. Wells

A simple hug from the one you love is the biggest satisfaction in the world…¥¥ b'Coz u know you are in the…

— Anonymous

Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.

— Joan Rivers

Enjoy your time in that extremely sketchy place.

— Anonymous

We find in life exactly what we put into it

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

There's a Chaplain who never visited the front.

— Kurt Vonnegut

If you hear an Onion Ring, answer it

— Toni Watson

Plurality is not to be posited without necessity.

— William of Ockham

In a war, you do whatever you have to do.

— Paul Henderson

Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life.

— Dave Attell

Just to be is holy, just to live is a gift.

— Sue Monk Kidd

All blessings are mixed blessings.

— John Updike

Can I read it? They really liked it when I did it.

— CM Punk

I want to be stereotyped. I want to be classified.

— Milo Aukerman

It is hard for a flat thing to understand a round one.

— Arthur Dove

It is as if I can see my body in front of me.

— Yiannis Kouros

Nowadays what isn't worth saying is sung

— Pierre Beaumarchais

The Orkney imagination is haunted by time.

— George MacKay