Funny is not a color. Being black is only good from the time you get from the curtain to the microphone. — Flip Wilson Copy Share Image
To whoever stole my Microsoft Office: You're gonna pay. You have my Word! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Words make another place, a place to escape to with your spirit alone. — Robert MacNeil Copy Share Image
There will always be people who are much better at doing this or doing that, but you are the only you. — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
Why is it when ever I have a great idea it's right after I'm done having a conversation with myself? — Merle Rowland Copy Share Image
Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny. — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
Her friends say she is very funny. At a family dinner, she stood to go, and the footman very properly pulled her… — Prince Andrew Copy Share Image
“I am not going to give you disclaimers about what you can expect to find in my story. I went through menopause… — BadSquirrel Copy Share Image
Le coeur d'une me' re est un ab|"me au fond duquel se trouve toujours un pardon. A mother'sheart isanabyss atthebottomof whichthere is… — Honore de Balzac Copy Share Image
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said,… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I don't look at my work as being violent. 'Officer Downe' is more campy than anything. It's a comic book, so it's… — Shawn Crahan Copy Share Image
Nothing interferes with my concentration. You could put on an orgy in my office and I wouldn't look up. Well, maybe once.. — Isaac Asimov Copy Share Image
“You won't tell?" "I'll add it to the box under my bed labeled 'The Secret Confession of the Immortal Pia'. Good Lord,… — Jessica Khoury Copy Share Image
[On the Dating Handbook] 'With a telescope, some munchies, and a warm blanket, watch for Halley's comet.' Yeah. I like that. There's… — David Cross Copy Share Image
![“[On the Dating Handbook] 'With a telescope, some munchies, and a warm blanket, watch for Halley's comet.' Yeah. I like that. There's no time limit. Just sit there and grow old together.” quote by David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bf1/david-cross-3386_blanket_on-the-dating-handbook-with-a-telescope_3033428.png)
