I was asked to name all the presidents. I thought they already had names — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think. — Benjamin Disraeli Copy Share Image
Dear pimples, if you are going to live on my face, I am going to need to see some rent... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant! — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
Advice is like castor oil — easy enough to give but dreadful hard to take. — Josh Billings Copy Share Image
Though you can see when you're wrong, you know you can't always see when you're right. — Billy Joel Copy Share Image
“She chuckles. "If you love it now, you should see it before. Back before there's more hotels and bars than shells. Back… — Kristen Hubbard Copy Share Image
The proverbial Englishman, we know from old chronicler Froissart, takes his pleasures sadly, and the Englishwoman goes a step further and takes… — Jerome K. Jerome Copy Share Image
“Wait,” he said, pulling me to a stop when I tried to march off toward my destiny. “Is there something you want… — Jaye Wells Copy Share Image
We stop talking about the Zux fan fiction cause its stupid and disgusting. let's actually post quotes. that's what this page is… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
'Mrs Funnybones' is based and structured around my columns, and it's about how a modern woman looks at India and how India… — Twinkle Khanna Copy Share Image
Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say "Thank you." That's… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
And identity is funny being yourself is funny as you are never yourself to yourself except as you remember yourself and then… — Gertrude Stein Copy Share Image
Everything that makes more of you than you have ever been, even in your best hours, is right. Every intensification is good. — Rainer Maria Rilke Copy Share Image
