Funny Quotes · Page 123

If I die Imma do it reppin, I'll never do it second.

— Drake

A lion among ladies is a most dreadful thing.

— William Shakespeare

Go so deep into yourself, you speak for everyone.

— Galway Kinnell

Anyone who ain't family is opposition

— Vinnie Paz

Fear is nothing but idleness of the will...

— Eliphas Levi

With poverty everything becomes frightful.

— Nicolas Boileau-Despreaux

You can pretend anything and master it.

— Milton H. Erickson

2 Chainz looks like the bagel guy from iCarly.

— Anonymous

I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal: high enough so you can look up her dress.

— Steve Martin

Midlife crisis is that moment when you realize your children and your clothes are about the same age.

— William D Tammeus

The metaphor is~ an origin, the origin of an image which acts directly, immediately.

— Gaston Bachelard

As I always say, 'Not always right, but never in doubt.'

— William Schreyer

Some of the greatest quotes, come from the most uncommon of minds.

— Nikhil Saluja

A #GIRLBOSS is in charge of her own life. She gets what she wants because she works for it.

— Sophia Amoruso

Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.

— Mark Twain

I like really bad puns - proper, red-top, nasty puns - I find them funny.

— Johnny Flynn

Whenever a young comic asks me for advice I only have two things to say. One is to try and do what…

— Sean Lock

“Love is like encountering a forest and having to chop down every tree but one. Oh, and you have to chop down…

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Lifetime is television for women. Yet for some reason, there's always a woman getting beaten on that channel. "In a Lifetime original,…

— Jim Gaffigan

“If, as I have reason to believe, I have disintegrated the nucleus of the atom, this is of greater significance than the…

— Ernest Rutherford

When I was twenty-one, a friend gave me a book called Diet for a New America by John Robbins, which exposed the…

— Gwyneth Paltrow

Running is special. We've all done it: well, poorly, focused, in fear, being pursued, toward a goal. It's just elemental. Running is…

— Rob Delaney

I watched a film called 'Earthlings' years ago and it helped to upset me into veganism, so I thought what I could…

— Simon Amstell

I've never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is. I can only think of: Don't sit on a wall, if…

— Ricky Gervais

In love, you have loosened yourself like seawater

— Pablo Neruda

If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.

— Groucho Marx

You are that which you are seeking.

— Brandon Bays

You cannot buy or win happiness. You must choose it.

— John C. Maxwell

Thanks for doing what I'm way too big of a wimp to do.

— Anonymous

If you rearrange the letters in AUDI, it spells

— Alex Fountain

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

— Nikhil Saluja

Whoa, who peed in your Cheerios?

— Becca Fitzpatrick

Tell others about the truth that sets you free.

— Pope Benedict XVI

Faint heart ne'er won fair lady.

— Miguel de Cervantes

Get on with life because life gets on without you.

— Zayn Malik

If you want to do amazing things with your life...

— Jeb Corliss

Virtue alone is happiness below.

— Alexander Pope

I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.

— Bette Davis

Laughter is the best heroin and cocaine.

— Jeremy Limn

You cannot eat your cake and have it.

— James Joyce