I don't sit down to write a funny story. Every single thing I sit down to write is meant to be sad. — Lorrie Moore Copy Share Image
With one out in the first, Dave Roberts looks a lot better than the last time he pitched against the Padres! — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
That Awkward Momment WhenSomeone Deletes There Comment So It Looks Like Your Talking To Your Self.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I always wake up screaming. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We estimate, and this isn't an estimation, that Greta Waitz is 80 seconds behind — David Coleman Copy Share Image
A woman will do anything to keep a pretty figure, but hardly anything to get one. — Mignon McLaughlin Copy Share Image
Even when I lose faith in myself there is something in me that speaks through and says I am not finished yet. — T.I Copy Share Image
Youre supposed to be the leading lady in your own life, for Gods sake! — Kate Winslet Copy Share Image
As a young girl, if you do something funny - especially if you're Jewish - someone says, 'Oh, have you seen Gilda… — Rachel Bloom Copy Share Image
Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I used to work at NASA in Virginia. It was nothing glamorous; I was just tasked with making code compile for obscure… — Randall Munroe Copy Share Image
If a guy tells you he's not ready for a relationship, it's ok to give him time. Just not any of yours...he's… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I would imagine the inside of a bottle of cleaning fluid is really clean. I would imagine a vodka bottle is really… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
It is the policy of the Indian government: We can lament the lack of talent in the country because it is easier… — Mak_786 Copy Share Image
I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
If you watch kids looking at something on television, even something that's produced for them and is supposed to be funny, what… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
