People who say life is a bed of roses usually complain about sleeping in thorns. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Retirement life begins when the kids move out and the cat gets run over. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A man wears the pants in a relationship but the woman tells the man which pair to put on. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Confession. 3.) My Favorite Band Is One Direction But My Favorite SingerIs Ed Sheeran¥ — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm the leader, not a follower. Unless it's a dark place then fuck that shit, you're going first. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Now, mark it. This may be strong language, but heed it. The people mean it, and, my friends of the Eastern Democracy,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Theres hell in hello, good in goodbye, lie in believe, over in lover, end in friend, ex in next, and if in… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
In grammar class the teacher asks her student 'When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Before you speak listen, before you write think, Before you quit try, Before you take a SHIT, look at the toilet paper. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You can figure out how bad a person you are by how soon after September 11th you masturbated, like how long you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You always give your best and inspire others to do likewise. That you are appreciated should come as no surprise. Your kind… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Selena:Who says you're not perfect? Miley:Nobodys Perfect! Pink: Youre F**king Perfect... Im confused, Am I perfect or not? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When Thomas Paine showed Benjamin Franklin the manuscript of The Age of Reason, Franklin advised him not to publish it, saying, ''The… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If your plan A doesnt work, dont sweat it. The alphabet has 25 more letters. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Tempted to type meaningless twaddle all the time on Twitter...with alliteration, no less! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Being fat is nature's way of saying, You're so good, I think I'll make more of you! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I used to pretend wafer sticks were cigarettes... I was just that badass — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Your knowledge of wine is almost as impressive as your use of it to disguise your alcoholism. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I can't wait for your wedding to be my excuse for getting out of another wedding. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A good-bye is never painful unless you're never going to say hello again — Anonymous Copy Share Image
They say they're plenty of fish in the sea, but then again I'm a pretty bad fisherman. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Facebook's timeline is my favorite way to watch girls from high school get fat. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all of my missing socks. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Its not the next day until I go to sleep and wake up , unless its my b day or Christmas. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The son of a b!tch moment when you're walking around the house in socks and you step on awet spot. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You know the other person is bored of texting when they say 'lol' when you weren't being funny. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If opinions are like assholes, then a lot of opinions wear Ed Hardy shirts. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I remember when staying up until midnight was hard to do, now it's a bad habit. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Its useless to hold a person to anything they say when they are in love, drunk, or running for office. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
