I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Marriage life is so easy. It's like a walk in the park. The problem is the park is Jurassic! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Congratulations on being one of the few bosses who didn't contribute to the economy's collapse. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I love when my parents saybring me my wallet and I'll give you some money. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A smile is a sign of joy, a hug is a sign of love, a laugh is a sign of happiness and… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember... I KNOW… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have a pet dog, he kisses like you, his breath is like yours, he pants like you. I love him dearly… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I dont know when exactly that UFO landed and dropped off all these stupid people here but it obviously isn't coming back… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. What do you mean? responded her… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
People will wonder, Am I supposed to think this is funny or serious? People need the comforting aural cue of laughter. It's… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I explained that I'd been homeschooled but that didn't help. She must have been picturing cavemenlike supervillians in capes grunting and showing… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, Where the hell did that shirt go? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house. Not a creature was stirring, not even a...SORRY. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Let's decide who we're inviting to our wedding and who will never speak to us again. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Marriage...a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters written in prose. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You know it takes a big man to cry, but it takes even a bigger man to laugh at that man! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You were born at home, but when your mother saw you she went to the hospital. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It takes twice as long for me to not get anything done on Monday as it does the rest of the week. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I was a kid, I use to close the refrigerator slowly to see the light turns off. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass to keep from falling off the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding, he sings. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can't stop smiling like an idiot. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If the grass is greener on the other side watch out, there must be a septic tank! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Things to do today: (1) Dig a hole. (2) Name it love. (3) Watch people fall in love. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The closest I'll get to winning the Hunger Games is when I spot the last donut in the office kitchen. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today. Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with her mouth closed. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
