My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, Youre only interested in one thing, and you cant remember what it is. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much. — Bob Monkhouse Copy Share Image
It is sometimes essential for a husband and a wife to quarrel - they get to know each other better. — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Copy Share Image
When we got married, we agreed on a boy for me, and a girl for you. Mine's upstairs sleeping. Good luck with… — George Lopez Copy Share Image
When I get married. WE AIN'T NEVER GETTING A DIVORCE! TILL DEATH DO US PART. better take your mad ass in the… — Pretty Ladii Copy Share Image
Here's to Kim Kardashian and Kanye West for not making anyone else be married to them. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only time some fellows are seen with their wives is after they're indicted. — Kin Hubbard Copy Share Image
Marriage is give and take. Youd better give it to her or shell take it anyway. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
True charity ought to begin in marriage, for it is a relationship that must be rebuilt every day. — James E. Faust Copy Share Image
Tomorrow, Trubshawe, I am going to get married again, thereby quite possibly making the greatest mistake of my life. — David Niven Copy Share Image
We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them. — Ogden Nash Copy Share Image
Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. — Albert Einstein Copy Share Image
It is now well known, however, that men enter local politics solely as a result of being unhappily married. — C. Northcote Parkinson Copy Share Image
It is a woman's business to get married as soon as possible, and a man's to keep unmarried as long as he… — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
When a man makes a woman his wife it's the highest compliment he can pay her – and usually it's the last. — Helen Rowland Copy Share Image
I didn't plan on being a comedian. I didn't plan on getting married and I didn't plan on having kids, but I… — Rodney Carrington Copy Share Image
Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And no bathroom on earth will make up for marrying a bearded man you hate. — Dodie Smith Copy Share Image
Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
When people tell me they've learned from experience, I tell them the trick is to learn from other people's experience. — Warren Buffett Copy Share Image
Lust is the sin that gets me excited. Luckily, because I'm married, I also get really good jewelry out of it. — Heather Locklear Copy Share Image
There is a vast difference between the savage and the civilized man, but it is never apparent to their wives until after… — Helen Rowland Copy Share Image
Sex when you're married is like going to the 7-Eleven: There's not much variety, but at three in the morning, it's always… — Carol Leifer Copy Share Image
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.' — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
I didn't know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Whoever keeps his mouth shut when he realizes that he is wrong is wise and he who holds the mouth even if… — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
Married life teaches one invaluable lesson: to think of things far enough ahead not to say them. — Jefferson Machamer Copy Share Image
Marriage is a hunting permit that entitles you to only one dear at a time. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
Marriage is an institution in which a Man loses his Bachelors degree, and the Woman gets her Masters. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so… — Minnie Pearl Copy Share Image
Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
