You claim to be a bad bitch, yet you have no car, no house, and no job. You're not a bad bitch,… — SandraB Copy Share Image
People usually say Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Personally, I find it's in big boobs. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm not saying she was stupid, but I asked her how to spell Mississippi and she said 'the river or the state?' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment, when your phone goes off, when yournot suppose to have it on, or with you at all. — Syoung Copy Share Image
When you fuck over people who've been nothing but good to you, you create demons for yourself. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Million dollar idea for a sci-fic movie: A world just like ours but with one key difference. When your phone dies, YOU… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Online dating is now like eating at Denny's thanks to photoshop, in person your order looks nothing like the photo on the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I love Justin Bieber Well, I love McDonalds but you don't see me making an account pretending to be a fucking chicken… — Maicy Rasmus Copy Share Image
Don't forget to tell everyone how you hate Mondays, because we were all wondering how you feel about them. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The other day a girl wearing a shirt that says I'm just waiting for a better day so I Smooched her &… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The only reason the laundrette on Albert Square in Eastenders is open is because none of the people on there can figure… — Sparki Dee Copy Share Image
Teen: Has sex, does drugs, bad grades Parent: Just don't do it again! ok? Teen: Doesn't do chores. Parent: YOU CHILD ARE… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, FAITHFUL, That man who is married to a trusting wife (a definition that can be either truthful or cynical) — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Warning going to sleep on sunday will cause monday. Please note that staying awake all night does not prevent monday there is… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
I Followed you, I starred you, I retweeted you, I DM'ed you, I lost you, I blocked you, I never wanna see… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Do you want to make money from Facebook? It's easy. Just go to your Account Setting, Deactivate your account, and Go To… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Taylor Swift waved at a boy yesterday and he didn't wave back...So she will have a new album coming out tomorrow. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
For those who woke up in a Fussy mood this morning do me a favor, punch your spouse in their fucking face. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Texting while driving: yolo Forever alone: SOLO Marco: POLO Condom broke: OHNO You like men: HOMO Bitches crazy: FOSHO Run n!gga run:… — Patience Copy Share Image
On his daughter's diaper: There was so much poop. It didn't look like a baby's poop. It looked like a 55-year-old alcoholic… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If a woman has her tampon behind her ear and can't find her cigarette watch out. She's having a terrible day. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The blonde was always careful to remove her watch before putting on bug spray because she didn't want it to kill the… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Women are magic creatures: they get wet without water, bleed without being injured, give milk without eating grass, & can make boneless meat. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The NFL is boring, the NBA is disintegrating, baseball is totally predictable. Maybe we do need the XFL. Maybe we need Nude… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I would tell you a joke about Chris Brown and Rihanna but you'd never get the punch line .-. — Lyndon Renison Swasey Jr Copy Share Image
There are no relationship problems that can't be solved through suitable application of high explosives. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
They said dress for the job you want not the job you have, so I dressed like Mr India and didn't show… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Im not saying I hate you. Im just saying if you got his by a bus, I would be driving that bus.:) — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Truly love you endlessly. Every day without you is like a book without pages. I love you, I will always do, for… — F Abahusain Copy Share Image
Dear Algebra stop trying to get us to find your x shes never coming back. And don't even think about asking y. — Mario Tomasello Copy Share Image
My internet is so slow, it's just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them shit in person. — Enhance Dreams Copy Share Image
I think if steroids are illegal for athletes why aint photoshop illegal for sum dez ratchet bitches on Facebook...IG & Twitter — IG:caonte_2_funny Copy Share Image
Ladies don't ask for much. They just want shoes, diamonds, less work, free money & a perfect man. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Hurricanes are like women. When they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave, they take your house and car — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If they ever made another remake of Joan of Arc, they should use Alicia Keys' song This Girl Is On Fire. — Laura S Copy Share Image
I told my daughter that she can't have boyfriend till her age is off the clock. *puts military clock on wall* — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, then have we found the perfect location… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Wondering why logging onto Face book has become part of the everyday routine?… Do I really have nothing better to do! — Serenity Karma Copy Share Image
White people: 'OMG! I LOVE THIS SONG!' Black people: 'OH HELL YEAH NIGGA THIS IS MY SHIT!' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I tried taking everything in Life with a grain of salt, but after using up two bags of salt, I gave up. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
