Apparently, the answer 'I know.' is not a good answer when your friend tells you how awesome his girlfriend is in bed. — Ashley Copy Share Image
Teens in horror movies are so stupid you could strangle them dumbasses with a cordless phone — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You can always win an argument with a lady during your last few minutes of your life by telling her that she's… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Most kids: I like to drink and smoke weed. Me: When it's cold out I like to breathe heavily and pretend I… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
One of the scariest things ever is flushing a toilet & seeing the water coming up instead of going down. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The best feeling: When you wake up at 5am and realize you still have more hours to sleep. — Punkinhead Abhishek Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, A man who has one mistake in his existence -- and keeps learning from it all his life; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The government could fix everything that's wrong with the country if they'd simply read my Facebook updates. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Stupid me! So that's why I work so many hours, so you can collect welfare,wear pajamas in public and have an iPhone. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hey I Didn't Mean To Interrupt Your Scrolling But Just Wanted To Let You Know, I Was Thinking Of You. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Rick Ross Screaming these niggas can't hold me back .. Forgetting the Fact his ass weighs about 998729069529032 pounds — Jerett Parker Copy Share Image
My Girlfriend just said that I should stop acting like an year old. I almost choked on her boobs. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Welcome to facebook, where you can stalk your exes, freak out your frends, and go from normal to bi polor in 30 secounds! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I watched a dog chase its tail for 10 minutes and I thought to myself, Wow dogs are easily entertained Then I… — Lars Propst Copy Share Image
Females: I'ma slap that b*tch when I see her, she got me f**ked up! *Girl walks past. She lucky she ain't look… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Why do they put alcohol on the arm of a death row inmate before they give him the needle? Are they afraid… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A lot of women don't like to give blow jobs. On a related note: A lot of marriages fail. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when you and your friend s are playing hide and go seek so you go and hide and the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment, where theres an awkward moment, and everyone knows it's an awkward moment, then somebody says, AWWWKKKKWAAARRDD! — Unkown Copy Share Image
I party like rock star , look like a movie star , play like a all star , f*** like porn star...baby I'm Superstar!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When getting divorced remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
What's The Point Of Poking People On Facebook !? Is It Another Way Of Playing Tag Your It! — Krystal Copy Share Image
All of a sudden she starts boasting about how high and big her boobs are, what she dosent know is that I… — Full Time Gangster Copy Share Image
Delete me... Like most of y'all who can't handle what I have to say :') Dont got time for any of y'all. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Bitches b like long hair dont care known damn well they shit shorter than a Instagram video — IG:Catone_2funny Copy Share Image
Niggas be wanting a girl who plays video games, watch sports & wear jordan's. Sounds like you want a boyfriend bro ahah...;) — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When someone says wow you are a pervert , look at them, smile & say it took you this long to figure that out? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
For All Girls That Say All Guys Are The Same , Who Told Yhuueww To Try Them All . ? S T… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, HENPECKED, A man who is so timid, he is even afraid to talk back to other people's wives — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto-correct is like 'I got nothing, man.' — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
If God dwells inside of us like people say, I sure hope he's in themodd for Enchiladas, because that's what he's getting — Toni Watson Copy Share Image
I'm not saying you're ugly, I'm just saying you're about 8 beers away from being my type. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
This global recession has had a detrimental effect on my sex life. It's ages since I've been able to afford it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Old meaning of sorry. I wont do it again. New meaning of sorry. Damn I got caught, next time I need to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You said you wont leave me alone but where are you now? I'm alone again and I haven't forgotten about you. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Why the hell do banks have chains on their pens? if I'm trusting you with my money, you should be able to… — Charlie Knapp Copy Share Image
I hate when I'm wearing my Apple Bottom jeans and I can't find my boots with the furrrr. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I asked my mom, 'How old were you when I was born?' My mom replied, '23' Me: 'Wow, that's a lot of… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Gahhh! I just made a big mess, now the floors are gonna be sticky... (shutup I spilled my sunny D. ) lol… — Syoung Copy Share Image
A penis has a rough life. His hair always looks a mess, he stays next to an asshole, his family is nuts,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
