I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering, 98 of them said: How the hell did you… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm going to pretend I didn't hear you, close my eyes, and count to 10..I suggest you either rephrase your attitude..or run… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you text me and then within the next 3 minutes send me ???, you will not get a reply. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Girls are like Jedi's, they can lift things without even touching them...if you know what I mean. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The closest that I've gotten to murder: Holding Oreos under the milk until the bubbles stop... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel: Has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice; takes care of business. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
We should watch a movie. And by 'watch a movie' I mean we should fuck each other senseless while a movie plays… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Police arrested 2 youths yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one & let the other off. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
That moment when you're feeding a baby and you open up your mouth every time you give it a bite because you're… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Behind every Successful Man there is a Woman… Because Women don't run behind Unsuccessful Men! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
One of my very close friends asked me -: Hey! Did you learn Arabic? And I replied . . . . . . . *ILLA* — Irfan Khan Copy Share Image
Why did the blonde send a blank letter to her husband in the army? They had a fight before he left and… — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
I would like to open a restaurant, call it the Marilyn Monroe Café, and put hundreds of pictures of Jeff Goldblum on… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I love how in scary movies how the person yells out hello as if the killer is gonna say yeah Im in… — Lars Propst Copy Share Image
I have an eating disorder. I be eatin DIS order of fries, and DIS order of nuggets, and DIS order of wings… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You know you're addicted to Call of Duty when you go to work, take your boss's suitcase, make beeping sounds, and then… — Alec Straub Copy Share Image
I hate it when I tell someone I'll be there in 15 minutes yet they choose to call me every half an… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Why the Fuck is TeamLesbian Or TeamBi almost In every Girls Bio on Twitter?.. Where the Fuck is TeamILIkeLonnngggggDick ?? — Jerett Parker Copy Share Image
To all the students who drop out and fail high school: Remember two things, 1. You tried your best. 2. I don't… — Itsme867 Copy Share Image
The ones that learn by reading…… The few who learn by observation….. The rest of them have to pee on the electric… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The doctor told me not to lift anything heavy for a few weeks... So now I have to sit down when I… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: 'Local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm changing my Facebook name to no-one so when I send people friend requests it will say no-one wants to be your… — Arjun Loveable Copy Share Image
The Government needs to find a way to make Facebook a career... it would open up so many jobs for people. — Ryah Copy Share Image
Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If lesbians aren't attracted to men, why are they attracted to women that look like men? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Fighting on internet is like competing in the Special Olympics...Even if you win, you are still a Retard — Chris Sullivan Copy Share Image
One day you are gonna retweet & star me like I retweet & star you, and just like you, I won't care. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
That uncomfortable moment when you're in the car and you look at the people in the car next to you. Then you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Santa, ( ) I've been good all year. ( ) Ok most of the time. ( ) Once in a while.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If all woman in the world died today, human race would no longer possess the secret of how to properly wrap a… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I wish people were like money, so you could hold them up to the light to see who's real and who's fake... — Tanya Bianco Copy Share Image
When someone says to me, Great minds think alike, I just look at them and think..You dirty little bastard!.:O — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Just a heads up that we aren't going into that war you heard about in between twerking videos. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes, when my underwear matches my outfit, it makes me feel like I really have my life together. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Age 4: I love Mommy. Age 16: I HATE HER. Age 20: Mom was right Age 57: I wish my Mom was… — Tanya Bianco Copy Share Image
Voice Command : Please say a command Me : Suck My Dick Voice Command: Command Not Recognized, Please Try Again — Chad Robinson Copy Share Image
Its funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. Its like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered — Anonymous Copy Share Image
