If you don't have an iPhone I feel bad for you, son. I got 99 Emojis & you can't see none. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My wife and I are trying to have a child. But it's so hard to take one out of Chuck E Cheese… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Best friends = They know how weird you are and still choose to be seen with you in public.. — Sachithra Copy Share Image
How do homeless people always seem to get the shopping cart that has all four good wheels? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you have a son, you only have to worry about one penis. If you have a daughter, you have to worry… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If the world doesnt end on December 21st, 2012, I have a feeling there will be a lot of babies born on… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Teens moms, calling yourself a mother because you gave birth is calling me a doctor because I own Band-aids. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Our life is like dancing training, at start we dont always know what we are doing but we keep moving till we… — Shubham Pal Copy Share Image
The only reason women need men around the house is because we haven't made a vibrator that can kill spiders. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My friend said he didn't have time for Twitter like me, he has a job I replied shut the fuck up &… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
So I won't give up alcohol, boys, being judgmental or sarcasm but I'll definitely give up drunk texting for Lent. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If couples who are in love are called 'love birds', then couples who always argue should be called 'angry birds.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Whenever I see a Caution: slippery when wet sign I hide it somewhere, then I sit down & enjoy the show. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When a waitress brings the food, old men look at the food while young men look at the waitress. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Retirement is great, you get to be your own boss and tell yourself to do nothing all day — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
If Facebook ruins relationships then guns kill people, pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk & spoons make you fat. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Congratulations on buying a car that will go 0-60 in 5 seconds whether you want it to or not. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If your girlfriend complains that you never take her anywhere expensive...take her to the gas station. — Seth Rogen Copy Share Image
A beautiful girl is always hated by the other girls around her for two reasons, jealousy and attraction of the boys towards… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
They say let's go half on a baby, but I'm like fuck that let's go half on these condoms... — Lonniedagreat Copy Share Image
I'd be more upset about the NSA accessing my phone records if I used my phone for anything but texting and taking… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Boys, Women are easy. Tell them they're pretty. Compliment some shit. Fuck them like you hate them. Easy. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: 'Thanks for coming.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have watched CSI,NCIS, Law&Order, Criminal minds. I can kill you 50 different ways & still make it look like an accident. — JORdinary_[Ws Copy Share Image
Life is like Facebook. People will like your problems & comment, but no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs — Anonymous Copy Share Image
All women are witches, but if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will probably spare you from black… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
RELATIONSHIP like Bonnie and Clyde ; SEX like Jody and Yvette ; ARGUE like Ike and Tina ; and MAKE UP like Martin and Gina. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If Big Sean's voice was Siri's Voice on the iPhone 5...'Turn left boiiii...Wait, HOLD UP! Whoa Dereee! Wrong way! Swerveeeee.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Cop pulls man over for suspicion of drunk driving. Cop: Sir have you been drinking? Man: No. Cop: Papers. Man: Scissors, I… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Bitches be twerking for NO REASON, *microwave goes off* oh shit , my food done. *starts twerking* HOE SIT YO ASS DOWN & EAT ! — Armin Ferizovic Copy Share Image
If all woman in the world died today, human race would no longer possess the secret of how to properly wrap a… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Just a heads up that we aren't going into that war you heard about in between twerking videos. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wish people were like money, so you could hold them up to the light to see who's real and who's fake... — Tanya Bianco Copy Share Image
When someone says to me, Great minds think alike, I just look at them and think..You dirty little bastard!.:O — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes, when my underwear matches my outfit, it makes me feel like I really have my life together. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Age 4: I love Mommy. Age 16: I HATE HER. Age 20: Mom was right Age 57: I wish my Mom was… — Tanya Bianco Copy Share Image
Voice Command : Please say a command Me : Suck My Dick Voice Command: Command Not Recognized, Please Try Again — Chad Robinson Copy Share Image
Its funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. Its like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered — Anonymous Copy Share Image
