You think Halloween comes only once a year? wrong. Walk into Walmart at 3 in the morning. That's some scary sketchy shit. — Mitchell Perry Copy Share Image
Don't Take It Seriously * When the HUNTER says, Goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I realized Facebook was a drug when I caught myself sneaking into the bathroom at work just to use it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's so important to wake up and immediately start starring shit. Stupid Twitter ruined my poo time! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I like to put things back where I got them from when I am done using them...so I dropped your mom off… — Carlin Whisler Copy Share Image
A penis has a sad life: His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy,… — Myself Copy Share Image
If you listen closely you can hear the gas pump tell your kid's college fund to go fuck itself. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When someone says expect the unexpected, slap them and say I bet you didn't expect that! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
To Do List : 1: Buy 4 Pigs 2: Paint numbers 1,2,3 & 5 on their backs 3: Release them in Wal-Mart 4: Sit back watch Security search for 4 — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
This is one of those mornings where I'll be picking the marshmallows out of the Lucky Charms and throwing the rest away. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate when I ask my mom how to spell something and she sais look it up in the dictionary. I would… — Tanya Bianco Copy Share Image
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook... — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
I'm ready to take our relationship to the level of appearing together in a Facebook profile picture. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If State Farm were such a good neighbor they'd come over and pick up all the dog shit in my yard. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
For every photo a girl posts of herself, there are 27 others in the exact same pose that weren't quite good enough. — Anas Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care of our house & everyone in it, & I learned we… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when you put your hand up to give someone a high five but they walk right past you leaving… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
No man should ever make eye contact with another man while eating a banana or lollipop... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Before you speak listen, before you write think, Before you quit try, Before you take a SHIT, look at the toilet paper. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The best feeling: When you wake up at 5am and realize you still have more hours to sleep. — Punkinhead Abhishek Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, A man who has one mistake in his existence -- and keeps learning from it all his life; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The government could fix everything that's wrong with the country if they'd simply read my Facebook updates. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Stupid me! So that's why I work so many hours, so you can collect welfare,wear pajamas in public and have an iPhone. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Rick Ross Screaming these niggas can't hold me back .. Forgetting the Fact his ass weighs about 998729069529032 pounds — Jerett Parker Copy Share Image
Hey I Didn't Mean To Interrupt Your Scrolling But Just Wanted To Let You Know, I Was Thinking Of You. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Welcome to facebook, where you can stalk your exes, freak out your frends, and go from normal to bi polor in 30 secounds! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My Girlfriend just said that I should stop acting like an year old. I almost choked on her boobs. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If youre protective and tall and sweet and cute and smell good and give good hugs then I want to date you — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Teens in horror movies are so stupid you could strangle them dumbasses with a cordless phone — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Apparently, the answer 'I know.' is not a good answer when your friend tells you how awesome his girlfriend is in bed. — Ashley Copy Share Image
You can always win an argument with a lady during your last few minutes of your life by telling her that she's… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Most kids: I like to drink and smoke weed. Me: When it's cold out I like to breathe heavily and pretend I… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
One of the scariest things ever is flushing a toilet & seeing the water coming up instead of going down. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
All of a sudden she starts boasting about how high and big her boobs are, what she dosent know is that I… — Full Time Gangster Copy Share Image
Delete me... Like most of y'all who can't handle what I have to say :') Dont got time for any of y'all. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Bitches b like long hair dont care known damn well they shit shorter than a Instagram video — IG:Catone_2funny Copy Share Image
Niggas be wanting a girl who plays video games, watch sports & wear jordan's. Sounds like you want a boyfriend bro ahah...;) — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When someone says wow you are a pervert , look at them, smile & say it took you this long to figure that out? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
For All Girls That Say All Guys Are The Same , Who Told Yhuueww To Try Them All . ? S T… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, HENPECKED, A man who is so timid, he is even afraid to talk back to other people's wives — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
