That awkward moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto-correct is like 'I got nothing, man.' — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
If God dwells inside of us like people say, I sure hope he's in themodd for Enchiladas, because that's what he's getting — Toni Watson Copy Share Image
I'm not saying you're ugly, I'm just saying you're about 8 beers away from being my type. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
This global recession has had a detrimental effect on my sex life. It's ages since I've been able to afford it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I watched a dog chase its tail for 10 minutes and I thought to myself, Wow dogs are easily entertained Then I… — Lars Propst Copy Share Image
Females: I'ma slap that b*tch when I see her, she got me f**ked up! *Girl walks past. She lucky she ain't look… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Why do they put alcohol on the arm of a death row inmate before they give him the needle? Are they afraid… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A lot of women don't like to give blow jobs. On a related note: A lot of marriages fail. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when you and your friend s are playing hide and go seek so you go and hide and the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment, where theres an awkward moment, and everyone knows it's an awkward moment, then somebody says, AWWWKKKKWAAARRDD! — Unkown Copy Share Image
I party like rock star , look like a movie star , play like a all star , f*** like porn star...baby I'm Superstar!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When getting divorced remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
What's The Point Of Poking People On Facebook !? Is It Another Way Of Playing Tag Your It! — Krystal Copy Share Image
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel: Has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice; takes care of business. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
We should watch a movie. And by 'watch a movie' I mean we should fuck each other senseless while a movie plays… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Police arrested 2 youths yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one & let the other off. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
That moment when you're feeding a baby and you open up your mouth every time you give it a bite because you're… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Behind every Successful Man there is a Woman… Because Women don't run behind Unsuccessful Men! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
One of my very close friends asked me -: Hey! Did you learn Arabic? And I replied . . . . . . . *ILLA* — Irfan Khan Copy Share Image
Old meaning of sorry. I wont do it again. New meaning of sorry. Damn I got caught, next time I need to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You said you wont leave me alone but where are you now? I'm alone again and I haven't forgotten about you. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Why the hell do banks have chains on their pens? if I'm trusting you with my money, you should be able to… — Charlie Knapp Copy Share Image
I hate when I'm wearing my Apple Bottom jeans and I can't find my boots with the furrrr. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I asked my mom, 'How old were you when I was born?' My mom replied, '23' Me: 'Wow, that's a lot of… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Gahhh! I just made a big mess, now the floors are gonna be sticky... (shutup I spilled my sunny D. ) lol… — Syoung Copy Share Image
A penis has a rough life. His hair always looks a mess, he stays next to an asshole, his family is nuts,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering, 98 of them said: How the hell did you… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Girls are like Jedi's, they can lift things without even touching them...if you know what I mean. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The closest that I've gotten to murder: Holding Oreos under the milk until the bubbles stop... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm going to pretend I didn't hear you, close my eyes, and count to 10..I suggest you either rephrase your attitude..or run… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you text me and then within the next 3 minutes send me ???, you will not get a reply. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
To all the students who drop out and fail high school: Remember two things, 1. You tried your best. 2. I don't… — Itsme867 Copy Share Image
The ones that learn by reading…… The few who learn by observation….. The rest of them have to pee on the electric… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: 'Local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The doctor told me not to lift anything heavy for a few weeks... So now I have to sit down when I… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm changing my Facebook name to no-one so when I send people friend requests it will say no-one wants to be your… — Arjun Loveable Copy Share Image
Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The Government needs to find a way to make Facebook a career... it would open up so many jobs for people. — Ryah Copy Share Image
If lesbians aren't attracted to men, why are they attracted to women that look like men? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
