My parents told me 'You watch too much TV and should try reading more!' So I turned on the subtitles. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Seeing a cute couple end their relationship is like watching the ending of every Nicholas Spark movie. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Earlier I received a phone call from a PPI Telemarketer. So I told my 3 year old son that Santa Claus was… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
LOVE, A situation which happens when you think almost as much of another as you do of yourself; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Dear Dora, how in the hell did do you get that tiny shirt to fit over your big head...Sincerely, thats physically impossible! — Lillaay Copy Share Image
Everyone has that make the other person sound incredibly stupid voice when describing an argument. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I love how face book shows when a message is seen now ain't no one gonna lie about it. Guilty as Charge — Solene Gemtessa Copy Share Image
A man asked a fairy to make him desirable & irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The Miami Heat playing the San Antonio Spurs is the only way I could ever root for anything from Texas. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Facebook event invites from people you barely know should really have a 'seriously?' option in the reply. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you can't be the reason behind her smile, at least be the reason she walks funny for a while! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Your the type of person who walks up while I'm cutting grass and ask what I'm doing? Bitch I'm cutting grass ... — Lonniedagreat Copy Share Image
Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when the music stops. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm really sorry I offended you when I called you a slut. I honestly had no idea you it was a secret. — Pretty Ladii Copy Share Image
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe: Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A man post a status onto his wall, ''tonight I'm gonna sleep in terrace'' 55 mosquitos likes — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Our deepest sympathies to Aaron Hernandez's fellow prison inmates on not getting someone as pretty as Tom Brady. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's not a day that don't go by that I don't thank God for waking me up to enjoy life and appreciate… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you're wrong and you shut up, you're wise. If you're right and you shut up, you're married. — Itsme867 Copy Share Image
After a lot of research, scientists have concluded that the most vitamins are found in the pharmacy — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Charging your phone 5 minutes before you leave, because you think it will make a difference. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When teaching your foreign girlfriend the english alphabet,its only fair you start by giving her the d — Chad Houston Copy Share Image
This Christmas I've decided to put a mistletoe in my back pocket…so all the people I dont like can kiss my ass. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Weekends are like an orgasm: It takes a lot to get there and when you finally do, it's over in no time ._. — Carlos Banks Copy Share Image
Why do single women take advice from other single women? That's like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
I wish people would learn from their mistakes and not keep making the same exact ones, damaging themselves. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When life gives me lemons, I'm like What's the catch? Because in this expensive world no one's just giving away free lemons. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Opening your cabinet, seeing there's about to be an avalanche of stuff falling, and quickly closing it for the next person to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Why do you always see lightning first and hear the thunder later? Because your eyes are in front of your ears — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
A female saying that she doesn't like attention is like a guy saying he doesn't like getting blowjobs. -Just Saying — Ephrem Hardin Copy Share Image
KISSING, A method of getting two people so close together that they can't possibly see anything wrong with each other; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer… — Danish Copy Share Image
Why did Susan fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susan. — Deezy Da Dreadhead Copy Share Image
Woman say:WE'RE MOVING TOO QUICKLY. Woman means:I'm not going to stay over until I find out if this guy at the gym… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance. Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Affair. Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Marriage. Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I talks broken English , writes grammatically wrong English . Who cares ? I'm proud to be Malaysian since forever ! — TheTowraMowra Copy Share Image
That awkward moment, when you're walking through the metal detector and your abs of steel set it off. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Women are like internet viruses they enter your life, scan your pocket, edit your mind, download their problems, delete your smile... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Why do porn sites have a Share To Facebook button??? Who watches porn and thinks, You kno who would really enjoy this????… — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
