If strippers can be called exotic dancers, then drug dealers should be called exotic pharmacist. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
So many options: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow but sure!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When do these twitter girls will realize that boys are usually following them or retweeting them for sexting & not for their tweets? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I texted my girlfriend a picture of my flaccid penis. I just wanted to let her know I was thinking about her. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
LUXURIES, Items which, by grand design, always cost more -- for example: a divorce decree costs more than a marriage license — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The follower counts should be hidden so we can be fair and judge people only by the quality of their tweets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock this morning is the fact that its my cellphone. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There are three things human absolutely cannot do in this world . 1. Counting their hair . 2. Speaking during swallowing 3.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My pokemon's brings all the nerds to the yard, and there like, Do you wanna trade cards damn right I wanna trade… — Syoung Copy Share Image
I got a fortune cookie today. It said I should invest in something fun on four wheels. I don't know if that… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Im so indie, she thinks to herself as she puts the lyrics to Skinny Love as her Facebook status. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That little pissed off feeling you get when a girl calls you cute. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I will complain about my privacy being invaded by the government right after I update my dating profile to attract strangers on… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I've been chewing for decades, how did I manage to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Don't waste your life living in a $100,000 apartment when you can live under a $15 million dollar bridge. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Snooki is expecting her baby on December 21, 2012. I guess the Mayans knew what they were talking about... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I was walking around with my GF when she started playing a Bieber song on cell & now there's vomit all over… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
So your name is Will, But you don't call your crotch The Willderness, then what the fuck? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and... um...… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Statistically, 10% of women will find this joke offensive. The other 90% are in the kitchen, where they fucking should be! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My cock got caught in my zipper today…at least that's what I'm telling my wife when she sees the teeth marks on… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
FACEBOOK Is The Only Place Where It's Acceptable To Talk To A Wall... And Being Liked As Well... — Pacifiersucker Copy Share Image
I'm only as nice as people allow me to be, so don't push my bitch button and we'll be great — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Brain is the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days right the time you are born until you fall in love. — Richie Copy Share Image
The movies,i ended up eating all the popcron and drinking all the soda and the movie did'nt even start yet,so much trailers… — Sally Copy Share Image
Girl Logic: Maybe if I wear this shirt that shows my boobs I'll meet a nice guy who wants me for my… — Seth Rogan Copy Share Image
I don't see why everybody wants a white iPhone. Everyone knows the black one runs faster. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Whenever someone says This day couldn't get any worse I immediately punch them in nose & ask Are you sure about that? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Why does great wall of china comes in the seven wonders of the world ?? because it is the FIRST AND ONLY… — Arashi Copy Share Image
I have learned that pleasing everyone is too hard, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake. — Punkinhead Abhishek Copy Share Image
I've never been in love before...But I can imagine its similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A Rabbit runs , jumps and lives only for 15 years! A Turtle doesn't run, does nothing, yet lives for 300 years!… — Punkinhead Abhishek Copy Share Image
Going to gym really sucks. But I calculated, and there's a good news - I only have to go 9,972 times before… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm not saying she's a slut. I'm saying she can count the people she's had sex with on 1 hand. If that… — Pretty Ladii Copy Share Image
See it with your own eyes, hear it with your own ears. Think with your own mind and decide with your own… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
They should start naming hurricanes after ghetto names, cause wouldn't you be scared of a hurricane Sha'Nay Nay. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
James Gandolfini's heart attack at age 51 has inspired me to get in better shape after I finish rewatching all six seasons… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I always find it ironic that dramatic people's conversations revolve around how dramatic someone is..run in circles much? — Brian Zilinek Copy Share Image
