If I have ever said anything to insult you, please let me know, I might wanna say it again! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Ladies: Please dress how you would like to be approached and talked to. Don't dress like a hoe and expect to be… — Aicel Copy Share Image
Statistics say that 1 in 4 people are insane, so take a look at your 3 best friends and if they are… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You'll never know a person's true strength until you try to steal their blanket in the middle of the night. — Anurag Prakash Ray Copy Share Image
Woman say:I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE. Woman means:I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When my girlfriend and I fight, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house. Just so I can… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Do not be too open minded...your brains might fall off.!!! . .from m.facebook.com/Jamstaquotes — Jamsta E Ngugz Copy Share Image
You traded in your iPhone 4 for an extra half inch? Hope your girlfriend doesn't do the same. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
I have to continue reminding myself that it's Halloween so I can't rely on my instincts to shoot zombies in the head. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Im not saying you're a slut, I'm just saying you've put more balls in your mouth than hungry hungry hippo. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Teacher: Why are you talking during my lesson? Student: Why are you teaching during my conversation? — Zariahh Renee Copy Share Image
Females: I'ma slap that b*tch when I see her, she got me f*cked up! Girl walks past. She lucky she ain't look… — Pretty Ladii Copy Share Image
There's no such thing as ugly chicks...instead, there's such thing as not enough beer!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Don't call me at 3am and ask me if I'm sleepin .. No I'm skydiving.. the fuck you think I'm doing? — Jerett Parker Copy Share Image
Had a weird dream last night that I murdered 4 people who unfollowed me on twitter. But woke up relieved to find… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Steve Jobs was born out of wedlock, put up for adoption at birth, dropped out of college, then changed the world. What's… — Enhance Dreams Copy Share Image
Sometimes I want to sit on my right hand so it feels like someone else is stopping me from masturbating. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
So I put your phone on 'Airplane Mode' and threw it up in the air...Worst Transformer ever. Just saying... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I got a teenage daughter and a menopausal wife. One's getting breasts, one's getting whiskers. My life is over. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when someone farts in the elevator and looks at you to see if you notice :P — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you are sleeping, I hope I am the person that wake you up till you are showing me some saliva that… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you think you're having a bad day, just remember, somebody is going to have Snooki as a mom. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you see a guy opening a car door for a girl, its one of two things, either a new girl, or… — Jorge Armenta Copy Share Image
If I gained a calorie for every time I thought of food, I'd be the size of a blue whale. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only B word you should call a female is beautiful... Trust me the bitches love that! — Marcus Ybarra Copy Share Image
My dog thinks I am patting his belly...little does he know I am playing the most epic drum solo of all time. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you were born in the 90's The best P.E. lessons involved a rainbow colored parachute... — Brandon Martin Copy Share Image
My sweet wife getting so upset watching Sunny Leone. Guess I should stop masturbating and see what's wrong with her. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
In a nerd wedding, instead of saying 'I do.' They say, 'I accept the terms and conditions.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you're a person who says Only God can judge me on a regular basis, people are actually judging you a lot… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
So is it wrong that I only accept people's request when they are loged off? Just in case there ugly..i can delete… — Syoung Copy Share Image
I never knew you could offend someone by masturbating. This couple just opened their closet and they look really pissed. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Don't Take It Seriously * When the TELEPHONE GUY says, Would you like it On the table or against the wall? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If u need a friend, message me, need a laugh, call me, need a hug, stop by my house, need money, this… — Punkinhead Abhishek Copy Share Image
Guys, if you keep a you-know-what in your wallet, it's only good for a month or two. So, out with the old,… — Alec Straub Copy Share Image
HARRY POTTER CONDOMS: In case you need an invisibility cloak for your wand while entering the chamber of secrets so you don't… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Bitch, close your legs, start wearing a Bra, buy a skirt that actually covers your ass, get the hell out of every… — Armin Ferizovic Copy Share Image
'Lehme gedda uh' = I would like to order something from your fine establishment, but I have to make up my mind first. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
BUREAUCRACY You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
![“Guys, if you keep a you-know-what in your wallet, it's only good for a month or two. So, out with the old, in with the new. [Hint: it protects you]” quote by Alec Straub](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/98e/alec-straub-26792_funny_guys-if-you-keep-a-you-know-what-in-your_55852.jpg)
