Politicians are like bananas when they first come in they're green, then they turn yellow, and finally they're rotten! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When I get in an elevator, before I press a button, I look at everyone inside & say: Are you ready to… — Itsme867 Copy Share Image
I tryed to get you back... I held on as long as I could... But its time for me to let you… — Patrick Thomas Copy Share Image
The only 'B' word you should call a woman is beautiful. Bitches love to be called beautiful. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I love helping people getting what they want. Today I overheard a girl saying I'd die for spicy mc burger so I… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Parent: What did you learn today? Student: Apparently not enough! We have to go back tomorrow! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Women. Can't live with them, can't finish this joke without having sex with them & then later sleep on couch. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If it looks like a frog, hops like a frog & croaks like a frog. I don't care how many times you… — Kiki Strack Copy Share Image
Strangers think I'm quiet. My friends think I'm outgoing. My best friends know that I'm completely insane. — Emalie Newhall Copy Share Image
I hate when I'm singing a song and somebody corrects me -.- b*tch what if I was freestyling?! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I found out that Snooki got a book deal I was more confused than a blind lesbian at a fish market. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have a friend whose status says Suicidal - Standing on the edge of a cliff. So I poked him!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wonder if Buzz and Woody ever met some of Andy's mom's toys. Especially since they probably have the same names... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I got thrown out of my local bookshop for moving the Caution - Wet Floor sign and placing it next to the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I usually admit when someone complains but that's only coz denying them requires explaining. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a chickens butt and think...'That looks tasty, I'm… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I dont ask for a blow job because the word job makes it sound like its strenuous physical labor. Instead, I ask… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes my wife and I like to spice things up in the bedroom & pretend we're a great couple who are still… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Yelling At Me Is Like Yelling At A Wall, You Can Yell All You Want But Your Never Gonna Get A Answer,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Admit it, at least once in our life we have all tried to balance the light switch between the on and off… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You're all thats in my mind.. I wish one day you would get out of my mind coz Id love to make… — Joanne Lobedica Copy Share Image
Every womans dilemma.. got a clothes closet full of clothes but still she has nothing to wear¦ — Sag-with-love Copy Share Image
Hats off to the courage of Internet Explorer when it asks Would you like to make Internet Explorer your default browser? — Amit Verma Copy Share Image
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died. — Will Ferrell Copy Share Image
My wife just told me, You're fucking idiot considering as she's the only woman I love, then yes, it's a fair assumption. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
LOVE, The most slippery word in the human language -- used by knaves to seduce, by fools for comfort, and by most… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
God could not be with us every time we need support in our worst times of life, and therefore he made fathers. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When somebody calls you UGLY, here's what you have got to say: UGLY never starts with 'I' it always starts with 'U'. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling 'Help! Shark! Help!'. I just laughed, I knew that… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Best friends are those who, even if in jail for violence , will sit beside and say : dude.. That was some… — Rose Hathway Copy Share Image
Had a virtual friend once. But all he did was tweeting all day. Also, his name was Virtual Friend. Man, what was… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you send me abusive mentions, I will star it & then retweet your tweets to show you how my twitter life… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Told my mom, I can become the next Hitler if I drop out of school. She laughed hysterically for 2 hours. I'm… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If two people are arguing & one person says, You know what... Just sit back & enjoy. Trust me that argument is… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I got my passport application forms sent back. Apparently the question Place of Birth? Between my mothers legs isn't acceptable. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Yest I climbed up a tree & read out a bird some of my tweets. She looked at me, shook her head… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power - like God must feel when he's holding… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Hitman: The one who kills people for money. Hitwoman: The one who doesn't know when to shut the fuck up. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Woman say:I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS. Woman means:We're gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
This year, for Halloween, I'm going to dress as a character from Scooby Doo and run around taking people's masks off. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
