Need a friend? Text me. Need a laugh? Call me. Need money?! This number is no longer in service... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I want to deactivate my FB account, but I know I would be proud of myself and want to announce it to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Guys use the word friendship to start a relationship. Girls use the word friendship to end it... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Well, let's just call them, uh, Mr. X and Mrs. Y. So anyway, Mr. X would say, 'Marge, if this doesn't get… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
5% of all hearing loss is a result of sitting in a restaurant next to a table full of women who just… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Her: I make heads turn when I walk in a room. Me: People always stare at car accidents. -Just Saying — Ephrem Hardin Copy Share Image
That moment when you don't know which eye to look at when talking to someone who is cock-eyed so you just nod… — Nicole Hill Copy Share Image
You know you're a redneck when your pickup breaks down and you fix it. On the front lawn. — Alec Straub Copy Share Image
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I hate when my parents never let me go anywhere and then ask me why I'm always on the computer. — Tanya Bianco Copy Share Image
I hate knowing that I care more about other people than other people will ever care about me — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk has to explain what he was doing to the cow. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm pretty sure the whole ladies first thing was created by a guy just to check out ass. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear people who write on bathroom walls, I don't care who you love. I'm just trying to pee. -_- — Itsme867 Copy Share Image
I hate Walmart. The men's bathroom doesn't have any urninals! Just a bunch of women screaming telling me to get out — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Girl-ily...boy- baby spell it out it makes me smile harder :) girl- I'm leaving you boy- -_______- — Carlos Banks Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when R.Kelly dies and God asks him : Are you a mountain,Are you a tall tree,are you really the… — Boat_Grandberry Copy Share Image
People are obsessed with the front seat of the car but when you get in a bus, you go straight to the… — Tanya Bianco Copy Share Image
911 operator what's your emergency Are ya'll hiring? follow me on FACEBOOK ; Dee Rackedd Upp II — Derrick Bey Copy Share Image
Many people are alive only because its illegal to shoot them…Sometimes there is some SENSE in NONSENSE. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
At the store buying 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around and looked them in the eyes and… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Why is there a show called When animals attack? It should be called When stupid people go near dangerous animals. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I start remembering all the times you told me you loved me and all the moments you took my breath away. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when Justin Bieber's entire childhood was recorded and I can't even find a video of my first birthday. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Facebook is getting more and more funny.., it asks you What's Happening and in your friends wall it comes up when they… — Essekia Paul Copy Share Image
Some smoke after sex. Some sleep after sex. Others just cuddle. I remove traces of my DNA. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
They say that good boys are found in the corners of the earth. UNFORTUNATELY, the earth is round. — Punkinhead Abhishek Copy Share Image
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain: Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I would probably be classified as a lesbian if it was only based on how much you enjoy eating muffins and cookies. — Prince Shawn Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when the teacher is helping someone next to you and their butt in in your face!! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Tip: Speak English. Kiss French. Drive German. Dress Italian. Spend Arab. Party Caribbean. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
''SYMPATHY''... You can get from Anybody -- But...!! ''JEALOUSY''... You have to Earn it…!!!!!!! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My give a fuck button totally failed to commence operation this morning..so, until further notice I'm activating my 'go-on-now' button. Act accordingly! — Nicole HIll Copy Share Image
There are caregivers and there are caretakers, and yet the two words are not opposites. Why is this? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm going to change my Facebook name to Benefits so when you add someone it'll say 'You are now friends with benefits!' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when you post the funniest facebook status you have ever written but no one likes ! xP — Komal Copy Share Image
I think the woman who invented the phrase 'All Men Are The Same' was a chinese woman who lost her husband in… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember... I KNOW… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wish our sex life was as passionate as your reaction to the casting news about Fifty Shades of Grey. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
