I've always had a feeling that maybe God and Satan were females.. because guys can't keep grudges for this long.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My boss fired me from job today. Unfortunately I need you to impress our clients never means making jokes about them on… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If a girl takes the time to straighten her hair and you don't fall in love with her you're an asshole. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Today I sent out a text saying, Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it? 12 people called me...I need smarter… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
Newtons law of love: Love can neither be created nor be destroyed. Only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another with… — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
My bank is the worst. They're charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can't even afford… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If I was stranded on a desert island and I could only bring one thing, I would bring Dora. That girl has… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: 'Jim's whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm trying to fix your mother's camera. Easy, easy - Hmmm. I think I need a bigger drill. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I really can't believe the price some women pay for sunglasses. I'm starting to think it'd be cheaper to get the kitchen… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
After 70, a woman is like Tibet: Beautiful, with a mysterious past andthe wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world...Ohh sorry that's vodka…vodka does that. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Girl: Take the condom off ! Boy: Why? Girl: YOLO. Boy: Okay, but if you get pregnant, YOYO. Girl: What's that ?… — Giftthabest Copy Share Image
My father likes the oldies station, I wonder when I'm over 50 if the oldies station will play Lil Jon & the… — Devin Sanchez Copy Share Image
It doesn't matter if you're black or white, I'll love you, but if you are orange, then well… — LyLe Copy Share Image
Facebook is just like a jail. you sit around,waste some time,creep a little bit,have a profile picture,write on people's walls and get… — Arjun Loveable Copy Share Image
Oh, you sent me an event invite on Facebook? Weve never met and you live 2,400 miles away, of course Ill go. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You may think I'm stupid or blind to what's going on but the truth is I know & I'm saving that all… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
While looking for love I sent my pictures to the Lonely Hearts Club. The reply came back, We are not that lonely. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Its Throwback Thursday on Instagram...Chicks showing us how much they fell off since High School... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Cops came around to my house today, told me that my dog was chasing someone on a bike, I told them to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I need breakfast! If I were any more hungry right now, Brad and Angelina would adopt me. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Maybe there won't be stars, maybe there won't be retweets, but by God there'll be slying! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When You Came , You were like Red Wine And Honey … And Taste of u Burnt ma Mouth with its Sweetness.. — Faisal Khan Neal Copy Share Image
LOVE, A situation -- when it is true, does not mean gazing into each other's eyes, but looking outward together in the… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Teacher: Come on! You learned this in 3rd grade! Me: I can't remember what I ate for breakfast. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have always considered myself an expert on women's liberation . In the last fifteen years ,I have given two their freedom myself. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Old people at weddings always poke me and say You're Next. So I started doing the same to them at funerals — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I watched a black and white TV for so long, so when I got a color TV I picked the red one — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Deleting your Facebook is like running away from home. You're only doing it for attention and you'll be back in a day. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My mother texted me 'What does IDK, LY & TTYL mean?' I answered: 'I dont know, love u, talk to u later.'… — Faris Copy Share Image
When I get introduced to someone I ask them 'Team Edward or Team Jacob?' It helps me separate the freaks & douches… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
*Missed a call* Then you call back, but they don't answer. What? Did they die within 5 seconds? — Steph Copy Share Image
I hate when there's no more toilet paper and I have to bother the person in the next stall to help wipe… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When ever I get a headache I take two tablet of aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you love someone so much you're waiting for them, you're noble. If you're making someone who loves you wait for you,… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It's normal to feel the way you do right now but trust me, it will get better. Good luck, be strong. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'! Unless you wanna slam a revolving door, then that's not going to happen. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
CONGRATULATIONS! You've won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
