Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 36

WRINKLES: Something other people have, Similar to my character lines.

— Nikhil Saluja

Just got this off the internet Rea da first bit

— Mee

Gay people are such great dressers because they've spent a lot of time in the closet.

— Itsme867

I want someone to look at me, the way that I look at Chocolate Cake.

— Danish

He's waiting for me to reply, I'm waiting on my food to arrive.

— Anonymous

When all else fails, admit I'm right and kiss my ass.

— Ritu Ghatourey

Roses are red, violets are blue. God made me beautiful, what the hell happened to you?

— Anonymous

Presenting FACEBOOK: The place where bitches become FB gangsters.

— Anonymous

Bitches be twerking for NO REASON, *microwave goes off* oh shit , my food done. *starts twerking* HOE SIT YO ASS DOWN & EAT !

— Armin Ferizovic

If all woman in the world died today, human race would no longer possess the secret of how to properly wrap a…

— Nikhil Saluja

When someone says to me, Great minds think alike, I just look at them and think..You dirty little bastard!.:O

— Anonymous

I wish people were like money, so you could hold them up to the light to see who's real and who's fake...

— Tanya Bianco

Just a heads up that we aren't going into that war you heard about in between twerking videos.

— Anonymous

Sometimes, when my underwear matches my outfit, it makes me feel like I really have my life together.

— Anonymous

Age 4: I love Mommy. Age 16: I HATE HER. Age 20: Mom was right Age 57: I wish my Mom was…

— Tanya Bianco

Voice Command : Please say a command Me : Suck My Dick Voice Command: Command Not Recognized, Please Try Again

— Chad Robinson

Me:Im finally happy:)..Life:Oh damn, That can't happen. Let me throw something bad in.

— Anonymous

If I had something to hide I would carry a safe

— Kenzie-ann

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

— Anonymous

Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.

— Anonymous

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

— Nikhil Saluja

I just spotted some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces.

— Patience

Hello bitch,i am rich can I rent ya pussy for 1 week?

— Sniper

I just reported spam someone for having a bad haircut.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, Is like measles -- much worse when it comes late in life;

— Nikhil Saluja

When youre good, youre good, when youre awesome youre me

— Hussein Nishah

When two dudes fight is it called bro-ke up?

— Nikhil Saluja

My laptop is making weird noises I think its masturbating

— Amit Verma

There's no 'we' in beer get the fuck away from me

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm not a NERD. I just don't want to work at MCDONALD'S when I'm older.

— Itsme867

Facebook lets you know what everyones bathroom looks like.

— Itsme867

Better to be thought stupid than to speak and remove all doubt.

— Nikhil Saluja

To, The Bank Manager …PLZ GIVE ME LOAN AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

— Muskaan

This bitch always make me confuse the fuck me eyes with the fuck you eyes...

— Nikhil Saluja

When I was younger, I would put my face close to a fan & talk to hear my robot voice...

— Anonymous

Like a good neighbor STATE FARM is there, - WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT NIGGA ?

— Jacob Hadley

If school has taught us anything, its texting without looking!

— Anonymous

Hey I just met you, and girl you look crazy, what brands your make-up, Crayola maybe?

— Anonymous

I'm from the city were ya hustle determines ya salary...

— Bee Sniper

My middle finger gets a boner whenever I think of you.

— Ted