Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 37

New Style Of Proposing. Wanna be My Facebook Password..? (^_^)

— Anonymous

I'm ashamed of what I've done for a Klondike bar…

— Jacqueline Roach

HUSBAND, A person who never really becomes good, he is merely more proficient.

— Nikhil Saluja

Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.

— Ritu Ghatourey

Three Things to Coltivate... Courage, Cheerfulness and Contentment.

— Nikhil Saluja

That awkward moment when u run into a spider web and suddenly know kung fu

— Anonymous

Oh.. so your dating my ex? i ate a sandwhich earlier. do you want those leftovers too?

— Anonymous

Sorry facebook, twitter and I have a better relationship

— Mee

Its funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. Its like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered

— Anonymous

Ladies, If your man is telling, you are so cute & funny, Tell him you are on periods & see the PMS…

— Nikhil Saluja

Sunglasses allow an individual to stare at people without them knowing. It is Facebook in real life.

— Anonymous

Ladies, Don't worry - if you haven't found the man of your dreams yet, there's always a vibrator.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, HENPECKED, A man who always consults his better half instead of his better judgement;

— Nikhil Saluja

Online dating is now like eating at Denny's thanks to photoshop, in person your order looks nothing like the photo on the…

— Anonymous

I love Justin Bieber Well, I love McDonalds but you don't see me making an account pretending to be a fucking chicken…

— Maicy Rasmus

Don't forget to tell everyone how you hate Mondays, because we were all wondering how you feel about them.

— Nikhil Saluja

Twinkle, twinkle little star, who the fuck you think you are?!

— EwshyCrazyness

I don't hate you, I just...never mind I hate you.

— Carlos Banks

Everybody out here getting pregnant and having babies that shit must be contagious

— Bigboyalweezy

Sometimes I wonder how many miles I've scrolled my mouse wheel.

— Punkinhead Abhishek

People who say cray instead of crazy, are just plain lay.

— Anonymous

Oh, you're a model? What's your agency? Instagram...

— Anonymous

Studying fungus is a way to mold young minds

— Nikhil Saluja

Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.

— Nikhil Saluja

I just met a girl named Karma. She was actually really sweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, The only game that is never called on account of darkness;

— Nikhil Saluja

Oh the super bowl, is that a Pho restaurant?

— Kevin

When I die I want someone to continue uploading my quotes, just to freak people out :)

— Punkinhead Abhishek

Hello? Hello, uh ... do you sell ladders? Sorry, you have the rung number.

— Nikhil Saluja

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate people that use their Facebook relationship status for attention.

— Megan O'Kane

B*tches be like Happy One Day Anninversary baby I LOVE YOU -_-

— Pretty Ladii

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

— Nikhil Saluja

Eunuch: What you do when the doorbell is out of order

— Nikhil Saluja

A man is a king, a king is a ruler. A ruler is 12 inches, still think ur a man?

— Anonymous

English teachers tend to put more thought in the books than the author did

— Anonymous

I swear to god the ants that come on my skin are for a suicide mission

— Faris

Imagine that self control you must have to work in a bubble rap factory!

— Anonymous

I dont mind ketchup on my hot dog, as long as the bun is tight.

— Jon Lajoie

Going to mcdonalds for a salad is like going to a prossitute for a hug

— Zane Raymond