Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 29

Ya'll Males Need To Stop Cryin About Fee's On Here.

— Anonymous

Everyone should agree that the library is kinda the best place to talk with friends..

— Kand3n

INFATUATION, A wasting disease easily cured -- by marriage

— Nikhil Saluja

Nurse: A woman that wakes you up in the middle of the night to give you sleeping pills.

— Nikhil Saluja

She: How do u feel about women's rights? Me: Idk.. I like either side..

— SouL

My First FACEBOOK STATUS in 2013 will be . IS ANYONE ALIVE ???

— Tanya Bianco

M noT laZy, M higHlY motIvatEd noT tO dO anYthNG!! :)

— Anonymous

When we go in this Store, Don't ask for SHIT, don't look at SHIT & don't touch SHIT!

— Deon Crockett

Sweetie, if you opened a book more times than you opened your legs,you might actually get somewhere in life.

— Nikhil Saluja

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. -- To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

— Nikhil Saluja

Truth is lms... truth is no one cares about likeing your status beacuse everyone knows what the truth is cus u post…

— Anonymous

Boy killed a butterfly, dad saidNo butter for u He killed a honeybee, dad said No honey for u. Mom killed a…

— Anonymous

What is the one machine at your local gym you should use to impress the ladies? The bank machine

— Hussein Nishah

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada: Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you say you're in a bad place, and everything is coming your way, then chances are you're a woman, and you're…

— Nikhil Saluja

That moment when you just put a new toilet paper then it jumps right in the toilet bowl..

— Joanne Lobedica

LOVE, A sea of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses;

— Nikhil Saluja

I last longer than Obamacare call center wait times.

— Anonymous

I think I'm starting to like NASCAR…just kidding.

— Anonymous

People get so weird when you put your fingers in their nose.

— Nikhil Saluja

I wonder how people would react if I walked into Sea World with a fishing pole.

— Anonymous

Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end the faster it goes.

— Green Monk

I have to get up pretty early in the morning to steal newspapers.

— Nikhil Saluja

With so many girls using filter, I'm assuming true beauty is hard to find nowadays

— Emanuel Sebastiao

Rumours? Well at least you're spreading something else besides your legs.

— Nikhil Saluja

And a real girlfriend would save him from bitches

— Anonymous

True love is just like rain; it touches us all.

— Nikhil Saluja

The first status on Facebook in 2013: 'Is anyone alive?'

— Anonymous

My mother never understood the irony in calling me a "son-of-a-bitch."

— Anonymous

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

— Anonymous

Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.

— Anonymous

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

— Nikhil Saluja

Hello bitch,i am rich can I rent ya pussy for 1 week?

— Sniper

I just spotted some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces.

— Patience

I just reported spam someone for having a bad haircut.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, Is like measles -- much worse when it comes late in life;

— Nikhil Saluja

When youre good, youre good, when youre awesome youre me

— Hussein Nishah

When two dudes fight is it called bro-ke up?

— Nikhil Saluja

My laptop is making weird noises I think its masturbating

— Amit Verma

There's no 'we' in beer get the fuck away from me

— Nikhil Saluja