Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 23

My relationship is like an iPad; I don't have an iPad.

— Anonymous

Some people should have two Facebook accounts. One for each face.

— Cuts And Scars

Oh the super bowl, is that a Pho restaurant?

— Kevin

When I die I want someone to continue uploading my quotes, just to freak people out :)

— Punkinhead Abhishek

Hello? Hello, uh ... do you sell ladders? Sorry, you have the rung number.

— Nikhil Saluja

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate people that use their Facebook relationship status for attention.

— Megan O'Kane

B*tches be like Happy One Day Anninversary baby I LOVE YOU -_-

— Pretty Ladii

That awkward moment when you're supposed to be cleaning your room and you put on music and it turns into a dance…

— Ryah

Ghetto word of the Day - Disappointment. My Parole officer said if I miss disappointment they gone send me back to Jail.

— Anonymous

LOL at the stupid girls who think they're boyfriend is faithful when they're phone says Inbox Empty

— Anonymous

I'm playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can't get out of my bed or I'll…

— Anonymous

*Son walks in on dad in the shower* Son: Dad what's that hairy thing between your legs Dad: Well son that's the…

— Anonymous

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. -- On your lips, color to enhance your beauty. On his collar, color only a tramp would wear!

— Nikhil Saluja

Dear Facebook, I can't believe you still haven't gotten that dislike button. Sincerely, YouTube.

— Hussein Nishah

BITCH I'LL BURN THIS MOTHER FUCKER TO THE GROUND NOW WHERE IS IT? Sir, calm down, your toy is under the McNuggets.

— Jerett Parker

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

— Nikhil Saluja

Eunuch: What you do when the doorbell is out of order

— Nikhil Saluja

A man is a king, a king is a ruler. A ruler is 12 inches, still think ur a man?

— Anonymous

English teachers tend to put more thought in the books than the author did

— Anonymous

Imagine that self control you must have to work in a bubble rap factory!

— Anonymous

I swear to god the ants that come on my skin are for a suicide mission

— Faris

HUSBAND, A person who never really becomes good, he is merely more proficient.

— Nikhil Saluja

Three Things to Coltivate... Courage, Cheerfulness and Contentment.

— Nikhil Saluja

Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.

— Ritu Ghatourey

That awkward moment when u run into a spider web and suddenly know kung fu

— Anonymous

Oh.. so your dating my ex? i ate a sandwhich earlier. do you want those leftovers too?

— Anonymous

Sorry facebook, twitter and I have a better relationship

— Mee

Twinkle, twinkle little star, who the fuck you think you are?!

— EwshyCrazyness

I don't hate you, I just...never mind I hate you.

— Carlos Banks

Everybody out here getting pregnant and having babies that shit must be contagious

— Bigboyalweezy

Sometimes I wonder how many miles I've scrolled my mouse wheel.

— Punkinhead Abhishek

People who say cray instead of crazy, are just plain lay.

— Anonymous

Oh, you're a model? What's your agency? Instagram...

— Anonymous

Studying fungus is a way to mold young minds

— Nikhil Saluja

Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.

— Nikhil Saluja

I just met a girl named Karma. She was actually really sweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, The only game that is never called on account of darkness;

— Nikhil Saluja

To, The Bank Manager …PLZ GIVE ME LOAN AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

— Muskaan

This bitch always make me confuse the fuck me eyes with the fuck you eyes...

— Nikhil Saluja