Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 21

John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind.

— Nikhil Saluja

Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes

— Hussein Nishah

I'm drunk..i'm high so high and I can kick the sky.

— Raghav Singh

If someone stole your tweet just write 50 more tweets or have them murdered. Simple.

— Nikhil Saluja

Relationships are like fat people, Most of them don't work out...

— Anonymous

Who remembers blowing air into their Nintendo 64s to get it to work?

— Anonymous

True love is indescribable, yet self-explanatory.

— Nikhil Saluja

I miss the days where I starred you and you retweeted me.

— Nikhil Saluja

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

— Anonymous

That awkward moment when your friends are having a disagreement, and you try to change the subject,but fail to do so.

— Syoung

From the first moment I laid my eyes on you, I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life…

— Ana Chable

Everything is forgivable if you leave after a one night stand, as long as you were good in bed.

— Nikhil Saluja

You have at least two addresses memorized; Your own address and P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.

— Anonymous

That moment when you hear your mom mention your name on the phone and all you think is what the hell is…

— Itsme867

That awkward moment when your at the club and the women next to you sings along with the song and says I…

— Raul Vasquez

If you're told you only have six months to live, immediately get married. It will make those six months seem like eternity.

— Nikhil Saluja

If the loser keeps his smile, the winner will loose the thrill of victory.

— Nikhil Saluja

Inspirational tweet of the day: I don't give a Fuck.

— Nikhil Saluja

Wait for the one you love. Not the one who found you first.

— Nikhil Saluja

I am not feeling lazy actually, I am just incredibly motivated to do nothing

— Hussein Nishah

God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?

— Nikhil Saluja

If stress was a drug, I would be high as fuck.

— Anonymous

Nephew: I'm leaving the house in NEPHEW minutes.

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl gets in the mood quickly. The woman is always in the mood.

— Nikhil Saluja

What's the WiFi password here? is the new Finally I decided to visit you

— Nikhil Saluja

Just converted to a new religion. It's called idontgiveafuckism.

— Nikhil Saluja

If beer pong was one of the event in the Olympics, I would get gold for sure.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm glad it's finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.

— Anonymous

SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

— Nikhil Saluja

I can't take this long distance relationship anymore. Fridge, you're coming to my room.

— Itsme867

I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan.Somebody is going to be wrong.

— Hussein Nishah

He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke.

— Anonymous

My new theory on inertia doesn't seem to be gaining momentum.

— Nikhil Saluja

Men to the left because women are always right.

— Nikhil Saluja

You're so full of shit! If you're really so righteous, it'd be you in that thing.

— Anonymous

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, then we can be good friends.

— Nikhil Saluja

I had a dream about you. Awwwwww. Yeah, you died.

— Francis

Two things a girl wants... To lose weight and eat...

— Kevin McCarty

I dont have commitment issues, I been buying the same brand of whiskey for 8 years

— Nikhil Saluja

Your manhood is not a license. Her curves are not an excuse. Challenge the stereotype.

— Nikhil Saluja