Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 20

I drove my expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes, all you need is a loaded Gun and some of your favorite assholes to shoot at.

— Rajdeep Sarkar

A suicide note written by somebody who is not suicidal is an autobiography.

— Dane Cook

I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.

— Anonymous

Hopefully one day your life will be as cool as you make it appear on Facebook.

— Anonymous

It's a joke, not a dick, don't take it so hard.

— Anonymous

I'm pretty sure that if Walt Disney watched 'Disney Channel' today, he would cry

— Anonymous

If you want to find a prince, you're supposed to kiss a frog. Not f*ck the whole pond.

— Pretty Ladii

Snoring is your body's way of telling everyone not to disturb me asshole can't you see we are sleeping.

— Nikhil Saluja

If the loser smiles after losing the game, the winner loses the thrill of his victory!! That's the power of Smile !!

— Nikhil Saluja

There is so much shit coming out of your mouth.. sometimes I get confused whether to give u a mouth freshener or…

— Anonymous

Lying in bed in the middle of the night deciding whether its worth it to get up and pee or if you…

— Punkinhead Abhishek

Punkinhead Abhishek is saying good morning beautiful world! Start your day with a prayer and don't forget to smile even if you…

— Punkinhead Abhishek

I scream, you scream, both of us scream because we are being murdered while eating ice cream.

— Nikhil Saluja

Parents, problems, friends, fakes, boys, love, crush, dating, responsibility, drama, heartache, failures, stress, happiness: THAT'S LIFE!

— Tanya Bianco

On a scale from Kristen Stewart to Nicki Minaj, how many different facial expressions do you have?

— Anonymous

If days of the week were sex acts, Monday would be a dry, passionless, handjob...

— Anonymous

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

— Anonymous

If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

— Nikhil Saluja

Enjoy your life thoroughly, the same way you wash your clothes…

— Anonymous

Fancy restaurant: The only restaurant that serves you cold soup on purpose.

— Nikhil Saluja

Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

— Nikhil Saluja

Why don't you realize, that your words really do cut me down to size?

— Anonymous

Her: being an asshole isn't attractive Me: neither is being a slut -Just Saying

— Ephrem Hardin

Facebook have to get this- names and meanings for idiots just like you!

— Natasha Uys

Don't Take It Seriously * When the HAIRDRESSER says, Do you want it teased or blown?

— Nikhil Saluja

If voting could really change things, It would be illegal.

— Nikhil Saluja

Yo mama's so fat I swerved to avoid her and ran out of gas!

— Alec Straub

I live like I type...fast and with tons of mistakes.

— Nikhil Saluja

I love my toilet. We've been through a lot of shit together.

— Cuts And Scars

Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.

— Ritu Ghatourey

Girls become so ugly when they know they're pretty

— Nikhil Saluja

My insomnia is so bad that even when I do sleep I dream about lying awake.

— Anonymous

It's impossible to say I wasn't talking to you politely.

— Itsme867

The Energizer Bunny got arrested. He was charged with battery.

— Anonymous

Old Saying ¦ Think before you speak. New saying ¦ GOOGLE, before you post.

— Punkinhead Abhishek

Ladies, you are delusional if you think you can give me a hand job better than I can.

— Nikhil Saluja

This Is The Beginning Of A New Day! You Have Been Given This Day To Use As You Will!

— Nikhil Saluja

I was using Facebook hashtags before they worked.

— Anonymous

Now I'm living in the past with all these regrets.

— Nikhil Saluja