Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 18

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, living proof that women can take a joke;

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm not short, I'm just more down to earth than most people.

— Punkinhead Abhishek

You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved.

— Nikhil Saluja

If someone texts 'K', just reply with 'L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z'

— Anonymous

It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone.

— Nikhil Saluja

One of us is thinking about sex... OK, it's me.

— Nikhil Saluja

The blonde cowboy put glue on his six-shooters so he would always stick to his guns.

— Nikhil Saluja

I would catch a grenade for ya, Throw my hand on a blade for ya, BUT Today I don't feel like doing…

— Arjun Loveable

My Lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my Birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I…

— Anonymous

Some of the greatest ideas of all time have come to people during Math class... none of which had anything to do…

— Hussein Nishah

Mark Zuckerberg was the owner of the Facebook Steve Jobs was the owner of Dell AND I was the owner of right…

— Anonymous

If you get busted by a cop for growing weed in your house, just say 'I'm not selling that. It's for personal…

— Alec Straub

Spent the entire night trying to create a website for women drivers, but it kept crashing.

— Anonymous

I have an impersonal trainer. We meet at the gym, we dont talk, he works out alone, and I go home.

— Nikhil Saluja

I just need a search engine that'll remember exactly what I was about to Google when I forget.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes the only one who can appreciate you, is you

— Hussein Nishah

Gasp Reflex : The reaction of a new father when he sees the new mother's breasts.

— Nikhil Saluja

No I didnt trip The floor looked like it needed a hug.

— Author Name

They say I'm like a big teddy bear. Ya I am, if that bear is Ted.

— Anonymous

I hate it when my friends add my other friends, who they dont know!

— Tanya Bianco

That WTF moment when your toothpaste does a suicide dive off of your toothbrush

— Itsme867

I hate when people all of a sudden decide to be funny when I am drinking something

— Hussein Nishah

I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.

— Harriet Morgan

Love it when someone's laugh is funnier that the joke.!

— Anonymous

My girlfriend said, I hate it when you finish my sentences. So I said, Period.

— Nikhil Saluja

Most of my Facebook friends are farmers, gangsters or cooks.

— Arjun Loveable

I make weird faces in photos because its better to look ugly on purpose.

— Anonymous

You took my daughter's virginity! Sorry sir, it won't happen again...

— Scarlet Kim

Let him open your mind before he opens your Legs. The bond usually lasts longer.

— Nikhil Saluja

Alpha Kenny bode ifyi semore But!…(now say it out loud)

— Syoung

It's adorable when sleep tries to compete with Facebook.

— Anonymous

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

— Nikhil Saluja

May your life be like toilet paper... Long and useful

— Anonymous

Lol what do you think? You don't see this everyday!

— Kiara Sellars

Bingo! I love that game, but I can't remember what to say when you win.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've learned to say Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke in 6 languages.

— Nikhil Saluja

Woman say:YOU NEVER LISTEN. Woman means:You never listen.

— Nikhil Saluja

Life would be much easier if mosquitoes sucked, tension instead of blood

— Anonymous

Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, mom I'm a teenager, and not a baby!

— Tanya Bianco