Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 17

Hey I just Met you, Nd You Look Crazy, But Here's A Dollar, Go Feed Your Baby

— Krystal

Facebook delete and block, the modern way of saying, Go f*ck yourself.

— Azgraybebly Joslan

As I was filling up my gas tank I realized I didn't want to eat this week anyways.

— Anonymous

A dentist and a manicurist married. .. . . They fought tooth and nail.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you miss someone just tag their names to remember you! :D

— Mc Vinzed

True love is a wonder that has no end or beginning.

— Nikhil Saluja

I am proud of my heart.It's played,burned and broken.But still works

— Abhishek Tiwari

Putting on jeans: Left leg, right leg, wiggle, jump, done! Who else does this? ;]

— Tanya Bianco

Good choice putting $4,000 rims on your 1998 Honda Civic. That's like Betty White going out and getting her tits done.

— Anonymous

If you're born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a 'Bang.'

— Anonymous

When someone ask if you'll survive without me? dude I was born without n ill die without u so I can live…

— Asheya

Dear Internet Users, Someday u will regret not reading me. Sincerely, Terms & Conditions.

— Anonymous

I hate when people be thinking I'm rich or something...i just got enough money...lol...enough money for me...enough money fo my son &…

— IG:catone_2_funny

I hate you but you were always there for me to not make me look ridiculous. I appreciate what you did for…

— Anonymous

That awkward moment when your mother compares you to another kid and she has no idea how much worse they are than…

— Anonymous

Dear McDonalds cashier, Don't give me that look, there's no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, Don't forget the toy.

— Anonymous

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

— Nikhil Saluja

Not everyone is going to like you and you are not going to like everyone.

— Nikhil Saluja

Dnt let the door hit you when mother nature splits you

— Netter

Facebook + Texting = Textbook. So Im studying right?

— Anonymous

Time flies like an arrow, and fruit flies like a banana.

— Alec Straub

Which book you cannot find in a library? Cheque-books.

— Muskaan

Two word's guys hate don't and stop unless you put them together!

— Anonymous

What does a horse eat? Hay. What does a gay horse eat? Haaaaaaaaaaaaay!

— Itsme867

If you mix up your sweet breath for your visine your going to have a bad day.

— Antonio

A woman can say more in a retweet, than a man can say in a tweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

The sad thing about facebook is it's more accurate than the weather man.

— Kayla Zmayefski

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

— Nikhil Saluja

Wedding dresses are white so the dishwasher will match the oven and the fridge.

— Nikhil Saluja

I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, 'I'd so tap that.'

— Anonymous

As bored and fed up as a grand national jockey reaching for top shelf porn

— Sparki Dee

Women love sex in the dark because they can't stand to see a man have a good time.

— Nikhil Saluja

Dear Google: They are only using you to get to me! Sincerely Wikipedia

— Anonymous

(._.)(|:)(.-.)(:|)(._.) They see me rolling, they hating.

— Anonymous

Ghetto Olympics: On your MARK…Get SET…TWERK!

— Anonymous

Sex with a long term partner - Standard life

— Nikhil Saluja

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

— Nikhil Saluja

For every girl without a guy, there's a guy without a girl

— Hussein Nishah

How much cocaine does Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men...

— Caitlin Bower

Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back, unless your tears smell like dog food.

— Nikhil Saluja