Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 24

When I was younger, I would put my face close to a fan & talk to hear my robot voice...

— Anonymous

Like a good neighbor STATE FARM is there, - WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT NIGGA ?

— Jacob Hadley

If school has taught us anything, its texting without looking!

— Anonymous

Hey I just met you, and girl you look crazy, what brands your make-up, Crayola maybe?

— Anonymous

I'm from the city were ya hustle determines ya salary...

— Bee Sniper

My middle finger gets a boner whenever I think of you.

— Ted

New Style Of Proposing. Wanna be My Facebook Password..? (^_^)

— Anonymous

I'm ashamed of what I've done for a Klondike bar…

— Jacqueline Roach

I hate when a girl can't take a compliment: You're so pretty No I'm not, I'm ugly WELL.. YOU UGLY THEN, DAMN…

— Anonymous

Let love comes to you, be patient. In fairy tales they don't find each other until the last page.

— Anonymous

What the fuck I look like stressing over friends? I got family I walk pass and don't even speak to.

— Anonymous

A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, You're going to have trouble with it.

— Nikhil Saluja

For all my haters, I just want you to know that there's no medicine for insecurities so better commit suicide!

— Nikhil Saluja

Sweet candies are nice to eat.Sweet words are easy to say. But, sweet people are hard to find. OH MY GOD! How…

— Anonymous

My girl asked me to do something to make her feel special...I bought that b*tch a wheelchair.

— Anonymous

My bed and I have a special relationship, we're perfect for each other. But my alarm clock just hates seeing us together.

— Anonymous

If you tickle my feet, I am NOT responsoble for your injuries.

— Anonymous

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

— Nikhil Saluja

Women don't poop, they hold it in and it comes out as drama.

— Anonymous

Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.

— Anonymous

Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you have to give me CPR and your breath stinks, just let me die please..

— Anonymous

Im so addicted to facebook I can log-in with my eyes close.

— Asheya

Dear Teacher. Please stop make us sleepy, we have no bed in class. Sincerely, students.

— OhItsVynn

If you were a burger at McDonalds you would be called McSexy.

— Generose Relano

If ya want people to remember you, borrow money from them.

— Anonymous

Money doesn't bring happiness, but shopping does

— Hussein Nishah

Roses are red, Twitter is blue...you look bangable, so I'll follow you.

— Seth Rogan

Who needs the young and the restless, when we can watch drama on Facebook anytime?

— Arjun Loveable

I want a girlfriend with a big forehead , so she can headbutt all my Haters.

— Joel Taylor

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you have boobs. It's really that simple.

— Anonymous

I'd get a lot more sleep if I didn't insist on reading the entire internet every night.

— Nikhil Saluja

All the fish in the sea, and you choose to fall in love with a sea-lion?

— Martin Lawrence

Facebook is like a relationship: Faithful on your wall, but cheating in their inbox...

— Author Name

To the world you may be someone, but to someone you may be the world.

— Nikhil Saluja

Dr: Are you sexually active? Me: Yes I'm a Facebook whore.

— Anonymous

Are all of Taylor Swifts songs about the same guy, or is she just a whore?

— Anonymous

Gay people: One man's junk is another man's treasure.

— Um

From the moment I saw you, I knew I was gonna spend the rest of my life avoiding you.

— Anonymous

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

— Nikhil Saluja