My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
They should make a reality TV show called, 'Jersey Shore meets Shark Week.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What does it show when your popular on facebook... Shows you have no life — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Everything is made in China. Except for babies. They are made in VaChina. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I realized Facebook was a drug when I caught myself sneaking into the bathroom at work just to use it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween...I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
'Lehme gedda uh' = I would like to order something from your fine establishment, but I have to make up my mind first. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
HARRY POTTER CONDOMS: In case you need an invisibility cloak for your wand while entering the chamber of secrets so you don't… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sex is like a gas station, sometimes you get full service, sometimes you gotta ask for service and sometimes you have to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I refuse to go bungee jumping, I came into this world because of a broken rubber, I'm not leaving because of one. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
So first it was The end of the world now it's zombie appocalypse,What's next? Dinosaurs are going to rise up and eat… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you listen closely you can hear the gas pump tell your kid's college fund to go fuck itself. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When someone says expect the unexpected, slap them and say I bet you didn't expect that! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm ready to take our relationship to the level of appearing together in a Facebook profile picture. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If State Farm were such a good neighbor they'd come over and pick up all the dog shit in my yard. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I live my life one weekend at time, for those two days nothing else matters, I am FREE. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
DAD: Wanna Hear A Joke Son? SON: Yes DAD: Pussy SON: I Don't Get It... DAD: EXACTLY! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans, I...Can't...Breathe! Sincerely, Your Balls. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
No man should ever make eye contact with another man while eating a banana or lollipop... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The government could fix everything that's wrong with the country if they'd simply read my Facebook updates. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I aspire to be the beautiful, together person my Facebook profile suggests I am. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hey I Didn't Mean To Interrupt Your Scrolling But Just Wanted To Let You Know, I Was Thinking Of You. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Teens in horror movies are so stupid you could strangle them dumbasses with a cordless phone — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Don't do drugs kids. There's a time and place for everything. It's called college. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
One of the scariest things ever is flushing a toilet & seeing the water coming up instead of going down. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Delete me... Like most of y'all who can't handle what I have to say :') Dont got time for any of y'all. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm not saying you're ugly, I'm just saying you're about 8 beers away from being my type. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
This global recession has had a detrimental effect on my sex life. It's ages since I've been able to afford it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
