When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes I walk through the baby aisle at the grocery store as a reminder to always use a condom. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Women who complain are like yellow traffic lights. Nobody really pays attention to them. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Call of Duty: MW3 comes out midnight tonight. I wonder how many relationships are going to end this week. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
So many options: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow but sure!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There are three things human absolutely cannot do in this world . 1. Counting their hair . 2. Speaking during swallowing 3.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I will complain about my privacy being invaded by the government right after I update my dating profile to attract strangers on… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I've been chewing for decades, how did I manage to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've never been in love before...But I can imagine its similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
They should start naming hurricanes after ghetto names, cause wouldn't you be scared of a hurricane Sha'Nay Nay. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
James Gandolfini's heart attack at age 51 has inspired me to get in better shape after I finish rewatching all six seasons… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My best childhood memory was falling asleep on the couch and waking up in bed. I miss teleporting. It never happens to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Cop: Ma'am, what's in the bottle? Me: Just some water. Cop: Ma'am that's wine... Me: Jesus did it again!! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My diabetic neighbor died in his sleep. I forgot to wish him 'sweet dreams.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Why the FUCK are girls still virgins?! We only got 2 months to live.. They better throw that ass back! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
They changed the name to 'Facebook' because 'Stalk My Ex' seemed a little too creepy. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Whats the worst thing to do to a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you bend over in front of pinnochio and he lies. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Rumors. Well at least you're spreading something else besides your legs. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Going to McDonald's to get a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
OH NICE, so you can update your status via mobile, but you cant text me back? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Oh you got Swag? Don't forget to put that on your Burger King Application. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My boyfriend isn't allowed to watch E.T, why the fuck does he wanna watch his ex girlfriend find her way home. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If ants were the size of humans, they would be able to run twice as fast as a Lamborghini. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you don't have an iPhone I feel bad for you, son. I got 99 Emojis & you can't see none. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
How do homeless people always seem to get the shopping cart that has all four good wheels? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
