Teens moms, calling yourself a mother because you gave birth is calling me a doctor because I own Band-aids. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you press CTRL + W and never knew what it did until then. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm much more upset about Breaking Bad's shutdown than about the government's. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Home alone; Thoughts = Party!!!! WOOOHOOOOO!!! Reality = Peeing with door open... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Congratulations on buying a car that will go 0-60 in 5 seconds whether you want it to or not. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Today I saw a baby with a bib that said 'This dumbass put my cape on backwards.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: 'Thanks for coming.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I want to have 3 kids and name them Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they fuck up I will just hit… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I didn't scream out someone else's name during sex...I was just thinking of baby names in case you get pregnant. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't get nervous if I'm surrounded by beautiful women. I know they're all too busy hating each other to notice me. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Statistics say that 1 in 4 people are insane, so take a look at your 3 best friends and if they are… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When my girlfriend and I fight, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house. Just so I can… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have to continue reminding myself that it's Halloween so I can't rely on my instincts to shoot zombies in the head. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When guys ask you to send a picture of yourself...we're not asking for the one you took with your grandma last night. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you are sleeping, I hope I am the person that wake you up till you are showing me some saliva that… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If a profile picture has two ppl in it, the profile belongs to the uglier one. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Just a heads up that we aren't going into that war you heard about in between twerking videos. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When someone says to me, Great minds think alike, I just look at them and think..You dirty little bastard!.:O — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I probably could stand a chance on American Idol if I could bring my shower on stage. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes, when my underwear matches my outfit, it makes me feel like I really have my life together. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sunglasses allow an individual to stare at people without them knowing. It is Facebook in real life. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Congratulations!! You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, delete my number, and keep the baby. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when you turn the page and realize that you have no idea what you just read — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Just let me know if there's anything I can do this month to further the cause of healthy breasts. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear inventors of Tampons, How awkward was it for you to explain your invention to everyone? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
May your daily meltdown be less public, drug-addled, and cartoonishly insane than Amanda Bynes's. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hope you're feeling okay after being sexually violated by Miley Cyrus last night. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I would love to start working out, but I'm putting on weight for my before picture. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I called my dad to tell him I was gonna quit drinking and he told me don't be a quitter!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Police have special ability from an ice. Whenever police say 'FREEZE!!' all people that they want will frozen — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
