One thing I'm afraid of is not taking advantage of opportunities. I feel like these are kind of gifts. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I do want everyone to feel comfortable. That's why I'd like to talk to you about Jesus. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
There are different parts of us. You want to feel safe but you want to also feel challenged. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think that there's part of me that feels like maybe I should have been more social. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
It doesn't matter if you're religious or not. Does anything make you feel more uncomfortable than some stranger going, I'd like to… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I feel like, even in this crazy world of Trump getting elected and these things that really kind of caught me off-guard,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Weight Watchers says nothing tastes better than thin feels. I can think of a thousand things that taste better than thin feels. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
It's a balancing act of you feel horrible that you're away but there is something about the road that is rather liberating. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I'm afraid of a couple things. I'm afraid of getting caught up in other people's expectations, because I feel like that's an… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I spend way too much time on Facebook and MySpace to feel too uncomfortable at this. I like to think of the… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
What kind of life are you leading where you consider ketchup fancy? "Well, we ain't rich folk, but on special occasions, I'll… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Comedians kind of write what comes to them. You can give yourself little assignments, but it's what inspires you. So I feel… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Now the Thanksgiving meal is just so unnecessarily difficult. I mean even mashed potatoes - it's like the most difficult kind of,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Stand-up is so rewarding, and I enjoy the acting opportunities I've had, but the only time I really feel bad is when… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
A lot of people are like, "You're doing commercials?" And I honestly feel like those Sierra Mist commercials are better than a… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I feel guilty if I'm not reading books, but I read scripts of movies or things that I know I'm committed to… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I do kind of aspire to do comedy that appeals to a wide range of audiences and doesn't divide people. I never… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
As a dad, you are the Vice President of the executive branch of parenting. It doesn't matter what your personality is like,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Whenever I'm out of town for at least a week, I feel like I should write a postcard or something, but you… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
No matter how you feel about your extended family or family gatherings you will be attending. This is because now the ultimate… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I don't curse on stage, but I feel like I curse more because I have kids and in front of my kids.… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
You ever buy a book and not read it? You feel almost guilty having it up on a bookshelf. People are like,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
You ever mix two different groups of friends? That can be stressful. You always feel like you have to prep 'em. You're… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I love my career, but I feel like you've got to babysit a lot of aspects of things. Assuming that things will… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
“The song goes, “Morning has broken,” and I’m pretty sure my children broke it. Like everything else they break, if they did break it,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
“If you complain about how you spend your Saturdays taking your kid to birthday parties, that means you are taking your kid to birthday… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
“Being a parent is a selfless adventure. The worldview of “Take care of yourself first” is no longer logical to a sane person if… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
“Occasionally, a dog will be presented as some training method for having a baby. "My girlfriend and I got a dog. We are going… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
Cookies at both of them. The cookies are probably better at Letterman though. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
