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People Quotes by Jim Gaffigan

66 People quotes by Jim Gaffigan

All People quotes Jim Gaffigan’s page

A bookshelf full of unread books can feel guilty, like a secret you keep on a shelf. Jim jokes about families naming kids after grandparents and the seventh child being just 'you'. He also shares how he often ends up doing odd, funny tasks that make him laugh.

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There are people that are vegetarians that love bacon.

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Some people have their own bowling ball and their own bowling shoes... and no friends.

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I don't want people to think I believe in God.

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I'm there to make people laugh. I'm not trying to come across as sexy.

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Hey, people who travel with their bed pillow. You look insane.

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My faith is very personal. It's not something that I want to project on other people.

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The real question is should we trust people who don't like cheese?

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Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?

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I see some people with glasses here, I trust people with glasses, don't you? But if you're wearing your glasses like this…

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I grew up in a Catholic family in the Midwest. And I knew people of different faiths and people that were atheists…

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I think being a doctor is really hard, and it's really this thankless, never-ending job. It's not even that you get done…

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There are some people who know who I am but there are a lot of people that have no idea who I…

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That's my private business. Besides, the perception is that people that believe in God are stupid.

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That's why when I send a postcard I quiz people. "Hey, did you get that postcard?" "Yeah, yeah yeah." "Well what'd I…

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There's a certain balance between finding an opportunity to do what you really enjoy and getting caught up in the flattery of…

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Other people's children's birthday parties are the most joyful events you will ever resent having to attend.

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It's weird, I love acting and stand-up is a very unique, solitary thing where you are the writer, performer and director. But…

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People treat having a kid as somehow retiring from success. Quitting. Have you seen a baby? They’re pretty cute. Loving them is…

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I always seem to be chosen to do very flattering things like the beard comb over or go to the bathroom with…

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Award shows are really silly. I'm very happy for the people that win the awards, and I can say they're really silly,…

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A lot of people are like, "You're doing commercials?" And I honestly feel like those Sierra Mist commercials are better than a…

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Comedians kind of write what comes to them. You can give yourself little assignments, but it's what inspires you. So I feel…

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I was always told that Hoosier came from when settlers in the state, when a stranger came on their property they'd say,…

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When I started stand-up - and this is in the '90s - there was definitely people hadn't watched decades of Comedy Central,…

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I kind of consider myself... I mean, I try to have my comedy be accessible, and if people are paying $30 to…

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No matter how you feel about your extended family or family gatherings you will be attending. This is because now the ultimate…

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Ireland is a place that's beautiful and interesting, but I remember when I went there as a teenager with my parents, I…

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I'm the youngest, too. When you're the youngest of a big family, people are like, "You're the baby, you're spoiled!" The fact…

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I do kind of aspire to do comedy that appeals to a wide range of audiences and doesn't divide people. I never…

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I'm much more interested in making people laugh than getting applause breaks.

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If I was on an airplane, the people in coach would know who I am. But no one in first class would…

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My whole comic persona is that of a guy who explores the id: I romanticize gluttony, I romanticize laziness, and people identify…

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How about those people who don't need sleep? What are they called again? Successful? What a bunch of dicks they are.

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Don't get caught up in other people's expectations. Don't take anything for granted, either.

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People need to write articles and they need to have angles in them and I'm grateful when people are doing articles, but…

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I don't know, I find that honestly, the stand-up thing in some ways is a little bit of a cliche to carry…

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I'm afraid of a couple things. I'm afraid of getting caught up in other people's expectations, because I feel like that's an…

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I don't want to pick a team. I want to make people laugh and hopefully bring some - be humorous about the…

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I think the worst professional advice I received was this kind of unspoken message of "sit back and wait your turn," or…

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On MySpace ... the whole demographic of the stand-up comedy fan has changed. It's like an indie band thing. People think they've…

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More by Jim Gaffigan

“Cousins are like celebrities for little kids.”

Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work…

I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing…

Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic.

“The song goes, “Morning has broken,” and I’m pretty sure my children broke it. Like everything else they break, if they did break it,…

I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll…

Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does,…

Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers.

I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm…

“If you complain about how you spend your Saturdays taking your kid to birthday parties, that means you are taking your kid to birthday…

Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best?

I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.

“Being a parent is a selfless adventure. The worldview of “Take care of yourself first” is no longer logical to a sane person if…

“Occasionally, a dog will be presented as some training method for having a baby. "My girlfriend and I got a dog. We are going…

Cookies at both of them. The cookies are probably better at Letterman though.