Facebook status Quotes · Page 27

My trust is not a mile long, its as long as our relationship

— Kenzie-ann

Uh, excuse me, Mr. Swagger, Either walk a little faster or buy a belt. Thanks, homie.

— Anonymous

Three Things to Control... Tounge, Temper and Temptation.

— Nikhil Saluja

I always thought it made more sense to pour Gatorade on the losing coach.

— Typical Me

I dont need a perfect one. I just need someone who can make me feel that Im the only one...:-)

— Anonymous

I don't just sing the song, I also sing the background music and the guitar solo.

— Anonymous

Facebook is kind of like the matrix if you think about it... fake reality.

— Anonymous

There's nothing more comfortable than sleeping while someone else gets ready for work.

— Anonymous

Thinking of punching these random street people in the face is an excellent way to waste an evening.

— Nikhil Saluja

Dear kindergarten students If you don't like your nap time ,can you please give to us…Sincerely High school students

— Anonymous

Dear food commercials, Nobody eats in slow motion with their eyes closed. Sincerely, normal people...

— Anonymous

If your relationship is so complicated that you have to specify it as such on Facebook, you should get off Facebook and…

— Anonymous

If you're not working on trying to be mine then you shouldn't be worrying about who's consuming my time.

— Amanda

I am so ready for Christmas movies and Christmas Songs and snow and all that other sappy amazing Winter stuff...

— Anonymous

You think I'm not online. But I'm always here. Even if I'm not posting. I'm here. Scrolling. Judging.

— Anonymous

Letting the water run down my arms when I'm in the shower so it looks like I'm shooting water out of my…

— Anonymous

Saying something stupid and thinking, 'Yeah, that sounded way better in my head.'

— Anonymous

That moment when you think someone is ignoring you when in reality you just didn't press send.

— Anonymous

A mistake is only a mistake when you dont learn from it. Otherwise it is a LESSON.

— Enhance Dreams

You hate your life? Go post on Facebook about it, that'll help.

— Anonymous

Hey Subway, just make everything 5 dollars forever and shut the hell up.

— Anonymous

To all those who said I couldn't make jokes about blind people...watch me.

— Anonymous

2013, still no flying cars instead, twitter with assholes.

— Nikhil Saluja

The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook perfect!

— Patricia Ann Rose Garai

There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it!

— Nikhil Saluja

Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.

— Nikhil Saluja

Wanna hear a joke about my penis? Never mind, it's too long.

— Patience Jr Kibabatoko

Some day, you will trust me again...but for now, I'm sorry that our love had to end.

— Nikhil Saluja

Facebook needs a Drama of the day section in my news feed.

— Anonymous

I'd like to shake the man's hand who first thought about putting chocolate syrup in milk.

— Anonymous

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies; at least clean up the bathroom before taking your profile picture there.

— Anonymous

It's so fucking sexist to assume that women have vaginas.

— Nikhil Saluja

Everyone Is Normal Until You Add Them As Your Facebook Friend.

— Anonymous

I know I love to shop but I aint buying your bullshit

— Anonymous

If cockroaches can survive a nuclear blast, what the hell is in raid?

— Anonymous

There is no bigger waste of time than a shower followed by huge dump.

— Anonymous

Okay, I have a million awesome clip art images. Now what?

— Nikhil Saluja

Tuesday isn't so bad...It's a sign that I've somehow survived Monday.

— Anonymous

All our life our parents told us not to write on walls. Facebook teaches us differently.

— Anonymous