The only thing I have ever been asked [by a pollster] was the age at which I first indulged in oral sex (which, since it was a Yale Daily News poll, meant kissing). — Paul Rudnick Copy Share Image
“Rocher was on the floor, crawling on her stomach toward Jate's feet. "I love you...," she kept repeating, in a demonic whisper. "I have… — Paul Rudnick Copy Share
“Sometimes I think that we should send all of the Killer Mediums to Afghanistan because al-Qaeda wouldn’t stand a chance.” — Paul Rudnick Copy Share
“There was a cable-TV program that documented how Peeps are made, and it showed unlimited hordes of Peeps bouncing merrily down a conveyor belt,… — Paul Rudnick Copy Share
Because there’s a clock attached to every beautiful woman. From the second she comes into her own, she begins to decline, because she begins… — Paul Rudnick Copy Share
Yes, I shot my wife because I thought she was Bigfoot, but I'm from New Jersey. — Paul Rudnick Copy Share
I just hate that gay role models are supposed to be just like straight people, as if even straight people are like that. — Paul Rudnick Copy Share
I love [my parents], but what if I could really talk to them? I mean, what if they had some answers? Or would that… — Paul Rudnick Copy Share
“I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there’s something quite different about you, from the last time we were together, what could… — Paul Rudnick Copy Share
Most gay bashers will be wearing what gay people had on four years earlier - only in polyester with a Penney's label. — Paul Rudnick Copy Share
Writing is 90 percent procrastination: reading magazines, eating cereal out of the box, watching infomercials. — Paul Rudnick Copy Share
“Nightlife is not for sissies, except of course for career sissies; an evening out requires at least a full day of minute preparation. .… — Paul Rudnick Copy Share
As a writer, I need an enormous amount of time alone. Writing is 90 percent procrastination: reading magazines, eating cereal out of the box,… — Paul Rudnick Copy Share
Wait, we can not break bread with you. You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be… — Paul Rudnick Copy Share
I believe in a benevolent God not because He created the Grand Canyon or Michelangelo, but because He gave us snacks. — Paul Rudnick Copy Share
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