“She was the sadistic older brother who holds you down and slaps your forehead over and over again, lets a string of spit fall until it almost hits your face and then slurps it up, over and over again. Only… — Paul Neilan Copy Share Image
“It takes more than one kick in the pants to reverse a lifetime of unplanned apathy.” — Paul Neilan Copy Share Image
I hate bananas. I just hate them. But I also think a banana suit is the funniest fruit costume a person can wear. — Paul Neilan Copy Share Image
“It was nice of her to want to believe the best about me. People tend to do that with the strangers they're fucking. If… — Paul Neilan Copy Share Image
If Tolstoy were alive today and working at Panopticon Insurance, he'd say that all insurance companies are the same, then throw himself through an… — Paul Neilan Copy Share Image
Anybody can make something up and have it sound believable. The hard part is remembering all the lies you've told, and all the people… — Paul Neilan Copy Share Image
“Sitting on my stool I thought of a bumper sticker: "If Mean People Suck, Why Isn't My Dick In Your Mouth?” — Paul Neilan Copy Share Image
There comes a time in every man's life when he wakes up drunk on the toilet and begins to doubt the choices he has… — Paul Neilan Copy Share Image
“Buy it for anyone you know who cries in the shower, who drinks in the morning, whose life only has meaning when they’re asleep and dreaming that they’re somebody else. They will find comfort here. And if they don’t, it’s not your fault. They’ve always been this way. Some people are just all banged up. Good for you for trying… — Paul Neilan Copy Share
“Buy it for the lady who’s about to become your mother-in-law, the one who’s already trying to control your life and the lives of the three children she’s already pressuring you to have. Give her the book one day out of nowhere, just as a nice surprise, and when she hugs you, calmly whisper: “Don’t fuck with me, Ellen. Don’t… — Paul Neilan Copy Share
“Sometimes the questions are more important than the answers, especially when you do not know what the answers are. I didn't give a shit… — Paul Neilan Copy Share Image
“Two wrongs don't make a right but sometimes they make me laugh. I am a vengeful god.” — Paul Neilan Copy Share Image
