People often ask me, "What's the difference between couplehood and babyhood?" In a word? Moisture. Everything in my life is now more… — Paul Reiser Copy Share Image
I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
After the confetti is swept and the champagne bottles are tossed a more sober reality will take hold. Not just that her… — Marc Cooper Copy Share Image
The zenith of virtuosity, a violinist like Jascha Heifetz, the supernatural in a pianist like Vladimir Horowitz, these are performers who were… — David Finckel Copy Share Image
(Adron leveled a scowl that made him shrink back.) Jeeze, you ought to bottle that look. I know armies that would pay… — Sherrilyn Kenyon Copy Share Image
You know what I wish? I wish I could put time in a bottle and throw it into the ocean. Then I… — Lynn Austin Copy Share Image
Outside, there was that predawn kind of clarity, where the momentum of living has not quite captured the day. The air was… — Reif Larsen Copy Share Image
The Germans are exceedingly fond of Rhine wines; they are put up in tall, slender bottles, and are considered a pleasant beverage.… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Baltimore is permissiveness. The pleasures of the flesh, the table, the bottle, and the purse are tolerated with a civilized understanding. — Russell Baker Copy Share Image
Not wasting any water bottles is good. Not leaving the lights on is good. Turning the thermostat down in the winter, up… — Bill Nye Copy Share Image
You should think about nobody and go your own way, not on a course marked out for you by people holding mugs… — Alan Sillitoe Copy Share Image
You might be a redneck if...Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup. — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
By TV standards - I'm not comparing it to manual labor by any means - by TV comedy standards, it is the… — Billy Eichner Copy Share Image
I was so drunk the whole time that I took bottles for girls and girls for bottles. — Anton Chekhov Copy Share Image
I was looking at a bottle of water; they have nutritional facts printed on the side. You know, I'm no chemist, but… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
In certain areas of my life, I actively seek out solitude. Especially for someone in my line of work, solitude is, more… — Haruki Murakami Copy Share Image
The directors that I end up having a really good time with are the ones that understand the fluidity of the medium… — Oliver Platt Copy Share Image
I like a good beer. Of course, I'll drink a bad one too. Let no person thirst for lack of real ale!… — Tom Petty Copy Share Image
Swimmin' laps around a bottle of Louie the Thirteenth Jumpin' off of a mountain into a sea of codeine I'm at the… — Lil Wayne Copy Share Image
Had my first son this morning... well, actually, my wife had him. I just caught him. Wo. Heart expanding way faster than… — James Van Der Beek Copy Share Image
I really feel sorry for people who think things like soap dishes or mirrors or Coke bottles are ugly, because they're surrounded… — Robert Rauschenberg Copy Share Image
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
If things were half as bad as some people persist in believing, I'd have retired with a bottle of Scotch and a… — Robert Maxwell Copy Share Image
Tradition is something you can't bottle.You can't buy it at the corner store.But it is there to sustain you when you need… — Fritz Crisler Copy Share Image
