She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair. — Red Skelton Copy Share Image
I've put on a lot of weight... I only weighed six and a half pounds when I was born. — Red Skelton Copy Share Image
When anyone hurts us, my wife and I sit in our Japanese sand garden and drink iced tea. There are five stone in the garden - for sky, wind, fire, water, and earth. We sit and think of five of the nicest things we can about the person who hurt us. If he hurts us a second time, we do… — Red Skelton Copy Share
Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. — Red Skelton Copy Share Image
Today's comics use four-letter words as a shortcut to thinking. They're shooting for that big laugh and it becomes a panic thing, using four-letter… — Red Skelton Copy Share Image
I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin — Red Skelton Copy Share Image
If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back… — Red Skelton Copy Share Image
I consider the television set as the American fireplace, around which the whole family will gather. — Red Skelton Copy Share Image
