When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse… — Alan King Copy Share Image
My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male… — Alan King Copy Share Image
The ability to absorb a book and make someone else's words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage. — Alan King Copy Share Image
I learned to cook in self-defense. My wife doesn't know what a kitchen is. In the first month of our marriage, she broiled lamb… — Alan King Copy Share Image
My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's handbags, an old socialist-unionist… — Alan King Copy Share Image
My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails. — Alan King Copy Share Image
And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them. — Alan King Copy Share Image
You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet. — Alan King Copy Share Image
There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, 'You're doing… — Alan King Copy Share Image
Age, style, where you come from, where you were born, it's different every time, which, to me, is refreshing because it says that there… — Alan King Copy Share Image
Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank. — Alan King Copy Share Image
Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and you have… — Alan King Copy Share Image
