Masturbation is when you rub your genitals until you have…

I thought the whole masturbation thing was really odd and really weird.

— Lynndie England

I think that at a certain age, say fifteen or sixteen, poetry is like masturbation. But later in life good poets burn their early…

— Umberto Eco

I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love, and I have to use the self service pump.

— Anonymous

Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to sex

— Karl Marx

“Masturbation is not only an expression of self-regard: it is also the natural emotional outlet of those who, before anything has reared its ugly…

— Quentin Crisp

“Masturbation is pleasure without cost. So how might you make people pay?”

— Christopher S. Hyatt

Writing is like a mental masturbation to me.

— Anonymous

“Male masturbation is not a release, it is a squandering. Anyone who begins to no-fap will soon discover this. Like most things, we have…

— Jack Freestone

Somewhere, there's someone who's masturbation ritual ends with them setting up ventriloquist dummies facing the bed. I mean, someone else.

— Dana Gould

“Masturbation is not the happiest form of sexuality, but the most advisable for him who wants to be alone and think. I detect the…

— Robert Anton Wilson

The piano bar is the gateway to the halls of masturbation.

— Henry Miller

“En ting er fagkyndig analyse, en annen ting kvaksalveranalyse og onaniterapi.”

— Harald Schjelderup

What was said about him, what the females needed to believe about him, was just oral masturbation for mouths that needed to be otherwise…

— J.R. Ward

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

— Lily Tomlin

Masturbation is good for the right arm.

— Daron Malakian