Why does turning on a TV these days require three remotes…

“law that stated you didn't advertise any event you hadn't attended, any place you'd never been, or any band you didn't really listen to.”

— Mhairi McFarlane

To refer even in passing to unpublished or struggling authors and their problems is to put oneself at some risk, so I will say…

— Kingsley Amis

“Wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which one fills up faster.”

— Noelle Oxenhandler

“Men circle like bees around honey, buzzing to communicate their sexual despair.”

— Carla H Krueger

It goes to show you how we in the press so often miss the big stories that are right under our noses. There is…

— Roger Ebert

“What if," replied Inspector Fry in the same maddeningly curteous tone, "we were all to construct daisy chains and drape them so as to…

— Lyndsay Faye

You owe me a drink, you're so ugly I dropped mine when I saw you.

— Anonymous

No woman ever yet either reasoned or acted long together consequentially; but some little thing, some love, some resentment, somepresent momentary interest, some supposed…

— Lord Chesterfield

“Holy shit," somebody muttered in the dark. "A virgin," sputtered another. "I didn't know they still made them." "He just did.”

— Larry Kramer

“True, science has conquered many diseases, broken the genetic code, and even placed human beings on the moon, and yet when a man of…

— Woody Allen

“John, let me make one thing clear,” Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. “Every man is blessed with his…

— David Wong

Self-deprecating humour is a common form of comedy and it helps get the audience on side because you're being vulnerable.

— Alex Brooker

“Life is like yoga; the only way you can enjoy it is by relaxing into any position you happen to find yourself in.”

— Jon Wakeham

“Charlotte Richmond says of herself: “I have few ladylike accomplishments. I cannot sing, I cannot draw, I cannot play the pianoforte or the harp…

— Nicola Slade

“But even if they could go home it would be difficult for me to tell you what the moral of the story is. In…

— Lemony Snicket