You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out…

Keep close count of your nickels and dimes, stay away from whiskey, and never concede a putt.

— Sam Snead

Never admit that your back goes out more than you do

— Joan Rivers

Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at it.

— Jimmy Demaret

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I never pray to God to make a putt. I pray to God to help me react good if I miss a putt.

— Chi Chi Rodriguez

I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an…

— Gerald R. Ford

My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.

— George Robertson, Baron Robertson of Port Ellen

I never learned anything from a match that I won.

— Bobby Jones

Half of golf is fun; the other half is putting.

— Peter Dobereiner

Baseball reveals character; golf exposes it.

— Ernie Banks

I'm about five inches from being an outstanding golfer. That's the distance my left ear is from my right.

— Ben Crenshaw

I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in nothing. Missed the ball and sank the divot.

— Don Adams

My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.

— Keith Michael

Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.

— Robin Williams

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.

— Lee Trevino