Norm MacDonald

Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.

— Norm MacDonald

Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.

— Norm MacDonald

I'm not gay, so I don't know much about Broadway musicals.

— Norm MacDonald

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

— Norm MacDonald

Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.

— Norm MacDonald

Stand-up has the best writers, because it's the hardest writing by a million miles.

— Norm MacDonald

Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.

— Norm MacDonald

Louis [C.K.] is great. But I don't know how many you could do.

— Norm MacDonald

My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died.

— Norm MacDonald

Proper respect to others is the most prudent rule of directing the measure of reverence due to ourselves.

— Norm MacDonald

There is a very prevalent tenet with youth, that good company is every thing desirable, and that bad is even better than…

— Norm MacDonald

The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.

— Norm MacDonald

There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he…

— Norm MacDonald

I didn't really want to inject myself into anything political. A lot of people were asking me at the time about Jay…

— Norm MacDonald

There are these showcase clubs where 14 guys will go on in a row and people are laughing at everything, and I'm…

— Norm MacDonald

Compared to politics, I think sports is funnier, because it's inconsequential. And politics can be real important and all that. The more…

— Norm MacDonald

I can't be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I'll be funny…

— Norm MacDonald

I've been offered political shows before, and I don't know anything about politics and I feel uncomfortable making political opinions - there's…

— Norm MacDonald

Compared to politics, I think sports is funnier, because it's inconsequential. And politics can be real important and all that. The more…

— Norm MacDonald

Actually, with those dirty movies, I find like, they're good for about fifteen, twenty minutes. I'm really interested. And, then, uh, there's…

— Norm MacDonald

I'd say Jon Stewart has remained funny the entire time. Jon always makes it funny first. And he's just, he's talking about…

— Norm MacDonald

I just got back from New York. You ever been there? There was a big gay parade going on there when I…

— Norm MacDonald

When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like that, where all they'd be is funny.…

— Norm MacDonald

I don't like sports where it's like, you watch a guy on a motorcycle flip or something, then another guy does it,…

— Norm MacDonald

Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.

— Norm MacDonald

Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.

— Norm MacDonald

When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.

— Norm MacDonald

The man that does not fear punishment, little regards crime.

— Norm MacDonald

I like doing a funny show where I don't have to act and fall in love with a girl.

— Norm MacDonald

Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.

— Norm MacDonald

A capacity for hating the object of desire is, perhaps, the best cure for love in cases of disappointment.

— Norm MacDonald

None seem to bear the imputation of supposed guilt with greater intolerance than such as are, on other occasions, obviously culpable of…

— Norm MacDonald

The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the…

— Norm MacDonald

I like to do talk show appearances where I get to just be myself, and I do stand-up where I can completely…

— Norm MacDonald

Never raise expectations in others that you cannot realize: promise is less pleasing than disappointment is vexatious.

— Norm MacDonald

Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.

— Norm MacDonald

If you're watching a comedian on television and he's making a political point, I would say he's gotten too serious.

— Norm MacDonald

Many people are skeptical about marriage of Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Pressley. They say, Lisa Marie is more of a sit…

— Norm MacDonald

If it wasn't so pointless and ridiculous, it would be more humiliating. Also, if there [Hollywood] weren't so many people as bad…

— Norm MacDonald

I've just seen really, really funny guys, and if I didn't know them, I wouldn't know they were funny from the television.…

— Norm MacDonald