George Burns

I find you have to take each day as it comes and be thankful for who's left and whatever you can still…

— George Burns

Yale men do not like to be told anything by people who didn't go to Yale. The closest I came to Yale…

— George Burns

When I die I intend to take my music with me. I don't know what's out there, but I want to make…

— George Burns

I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.

— George Burns

From Paris we took the Orient Express to Vienna. I must say I was terribly disappointed; nobody was murdered on the train.

— George Burns

There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.

— George Burns

“The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as…

— George Burns

Should I be the one to play God? We're both about the same age, but we grew up in different neighborhoods.

— George Burns

Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.

— George Burns

When we played the back end of a horse we always knew that if we worked hard and did a good job…

— George Burns

Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember…

— George Burns

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was…

— George Burns

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on…

— George Burns

I'd rather be a failure in something that I love than a success in something that I hate.

— George Burns

Being an actor is easy, just picture someone in a room and you outside waiting for your cue to go in. Elliot…

— George Burns

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close…

— George Burns

She didn't need to go to acting school to learn that the essence of acting is to act like you're not acting.

— George Burns

Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.

— George Burns

“Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness…

— George Burns

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

— George Burns

I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old.

— George Burns

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.

— George Burns

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.

— George Burns

When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'

— George Burns

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.

— George Burns

If I get big laughs, I'm a comedian. If I get little laughs, I'm a humorist. If I get no laughs, I'm…

— George Burns

What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear…

— George Burns

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down…

— George Burns

Dress simply. If you wear a dinner jacket, don't wear anything else on it ... like lunch or dinner.

— George Burns

Its hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was…

— George Burns

By [age] 93, I had shrunk quite a lot. My car was known as the Phantom Cadillac. People would see it whizzing…

— George Burns