Gabriel Iglesias

When you're a comedian, the Holy Grail is an hour long HBO special.

— Gabriel Iglesias

The girl voice is always going to kill because they don't expect it.

— Gabriel Iglesias

We can choose our family. We can't choose our relatives.

— Gabriel Iglesias

For me, the hardest thing was dropping the whole Latino comic title.

— Gabriel Iglesias

I know enough football to know that's funny!

— Gabriel Iglesias

There are certain bits in my act that will never change.

— Gabriel Iglesias

You live by the cake, you die by the cake.

— Gabriel Iglesias

Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.

— Gabriel Iglesias

When you go to Hawaii, it's all about "Aloha." It means hello, goodbye and I love you.

— Gabriel Iglesias

When I was a kid I did impressions and funny voices a lot. When I was telling a story I would use…

— Gabriel Iglesias

Some people can handle alcohol. You know who you are. Some people can't handle alcohol. The police know who you are.

— Gabriel Iglesias

With all the classes they offer at school, how come they don't have one for common sense?

— Gabriel Iglesias

If you Google the word "fluffy," I'm the first thing that pops up. It's me, dogs and rabbits.

— Gabriel Iglesias

Big shout out to all the people who were at the Ice House in Pasadena Ca last night. I had a great…

— Gabriel Iglesias

As far as guys who perform onstage, I love Chris Rock. I'm kind of jaded on everyone else.

— Gabriel Iglesias

Well, like I said, there's no reason everyone can't have a piece of the pie, even if there's a gordo there eating…

— Gabriel Iglesias

I just know you can not be on top forever. There's always going to be the next guy, and if I'm going…

— Gabriel Iglesias

I don't get controversial, I don't get political and I don't tell you what to do with your life. I just go…

— Gabriel Iglesias

Every night, it's a bakery on the bus. It's a curse, because I talk about how much I love cake, people bring…

— Gabriel Iglesias

For about three years I was performing at one bar in East Los Angeles that was like a mean dive bar. You're…

— Gabriel Iglesias

The Ford Flex is a really, really cool car. You get inside and you have so much headroom and it's really comfortable…

— Gabriel Iglesias

I don't have to worry about writing jokes. I just tell stories about things that have happened to me. As long as…

— Gabriel Iglesias

That's one thing about my shows. I tell people, I'm not a comedian, I'm just a really funny reporter. I put my…

— Gabriel Iglesias

I talked about the stuff so openly that people are able to connect and relate. I put everything out there [into the…

— Gabriel Iglesias

When you hear "Seinfield," no one says, "the Jewish comic." You talk about Cedric the Entertainer, you don't say, "African American comedian…

— Gabriel Iglesias

I got a brother who calls me Hollywood. Sisters kind of keep their distance. Even my mom is kind of like ahhh…

— Gabriel Iglesias

Honestly, you got to take care of the people that take care of you. I know that sounds like cliche, or borderline…

— Gabriel Iglesias

In the beginning, when I was doing my shows, I was incorporating a lot of Spanish, just trying to be a Latino…

— Gabriel Iglesias

I just recently crossed over into Europe. They're showing my special Hot and Fluffy in Europe and selling the DVD there too.…

— Gabriel Iglesias

Drinking can bring out a dude that has some issues.

— Gabriel Iglesias

I wanted to be a comedian, and this is what I'm doing. If I can keep this going, I'm happy.

— Gabriel Iglesias

In the beginning, yes. I didn't like it because I wanted people to know me by Gabriel Iglesias, not by Fluffy.

— Gabriel Iglesias

I'm at the slowest drive thru EVER in McAllen Texas. Jack will not come out of the box!!

— Gabriel Iglesias

Best advice, bro: Think big. Don't think small. If you think small, then you're going to stay small. Think (about) the broad…

— Gabriel Iglesias

I have no talent when it comes to pianos or guitars or any of that, even karaoke. For karaoke, I have to…

— Gabriel Iglesias

I don't wanna just be remembered for the funniest guy in my neighborhood.

— Gabriel Iglesias

Make sure you're doing impressions of people that are still relevant, and that everyone knows. Red Skelton impressions are a little outdated.

— Gabriel Iglesias

It's because you alienate half the room talking about sports. Half the crowd will be against you no matter what you say.

— Gabriel Iglesias

I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I could've had a piece of cake tonight.

— Gabriel Iglesias

Why buy a bootleg shitty copy of my special when you can get it on AMAZON for only $2.99. Swap meet cant…

— Gabriel Iglesias