I'm directing the Sky show. I'm not going to be in it. I'm just writing and directing it. So that'll satisfy that… — David Cross Brain Copy Share Image
If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine. — David Cross Copy Share Image
I remember being a kid and the Vietnam War was huge and looking at Watergate. — David Cross Being Copy Share Image
I think I'd be a really good dad. So perhaps I'm doing society a disservice by not having as many kids as… — David Cross Dad Copy Share Image
I just often find myself getting shrill, angry and the jokes get more incredulous. — David Cross Angry Copy Share Image
I'm pretty happy. I obviously have complaints about things, but for the most part, I'm on the above-average side of happy people. — David Cross Copy Share Image
There are really funny alternative comics and really funny straight comics who write and perform traditionally. — David Cross Copy Share Image
I am truly passionate and concerned about the lack of empathy that people show towards one another. — David Cross Copy Share Image
I have a few business ideas (that I'm going to advertise in High Times, amongst other places), and one of them is… — David Cross Business Copy Share Image
I'm of the mindset that most people who have kids are, which is, 'Hey, I want another me. I like me. I'm… — David Cross Copy Share Image
And it's one more shitty thing to write about somebody, in between getting really, really, really upset at female Ghostbusters and Gamergate,… — David Cross Female Copy Share Image
In New York there isn't that weird palpable competitive thing where it's friendly but everyone isn't trying to top one another with… — David Cross Copy Share Image
In my political philosophy - which is definitely more socialist Democrat than centrist politician like Hillary Clinton - I think regulation for… — David Cross America Copy Share Image
I went to a bunch of marches in New York and Washington, and you know I believe in the cause, but to… — David Cross Copy Share Image
We get to see it! January 1st, 2000! We get to see... all those fundamentalist preachers having to do their backpedaling when… — David Cross Armageddon Copy Share Image
I'll think of the idea and then I'll write something down, then within that there will be a joke or two which… — David Cross Comedy Copy Share Image
I read the New York Times, and if I'm in a different city, I'll skim that paper. — David Cross Cities Copy Share Image
“Now, I don't consider myself the smartest chip in the cookie, but I ain't the dumbest, either.” — David Cross Copy Share Image
Then I will tape the sets and even though I'm not very successful sometimes I will try to cut out the fat… — David Cross Copy Share Image
That's what social media is, that's what Twitter is, that's what Facebook posts are. It's just really anti-intellectual. — David Cross Intellectual Copy Share Image
It's just an easy catchall to describe a style because there are a lot of alternative comics who are completely different from… — David Cross Copy Share Image
I work a lot and I like to get out and work but the work I do to make the other work… — David Cross Copy Share Image
I've never written jokes. I mean, I'll write things on a piece of paper and riff on them onstage. — David Cross Comedy Copy Share Image
The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny! — David Cross Bible Copy Share Image
Nobody is going to be as bad for free thinking, right-minded individuals than George Bush. — David Cross Free thinking Copy Share Image
I'm a professional comic. Whether you think I'm funny or not, that's, again, subjective. — David Cross Comedy Copy Share Image
If people disagree with me and want to articulate it, that's not only their right but almost their obligation. — David Cross Copy Share Image
I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner. — David Cross Copy Share Image
“Abandoned babies are unfortunate unwanted results of a once urgent desire to have an orgasm” — David Cross Copy Share Image
I still think that, hopefully, you're not ahead of the jokes, and I think that has value. There is a punchline and… — David Cross Comedy Copy Share Image
I think I could have a funnier, more economic sets. But that's the comedy I do. And I understand if people aren't… — David Cross Comedy Copy Share Image
I would say just stop watching me, I guess, at this point. That is what I do, and it probably is, in… — David Cross Copy Share Image
Where my comedy really solidified was when Bush was elected. I couldn't understand how craven and crass he was, and how dumb… — David Cross Copy Share Image
All my friends are always telling me how hard it is to have kids. 'Oh, David, it's so hard.' That's not hard.… — David Cross Abortion Copy Share Image
I think for a lot of people, it's just where their saturation point was. Once you get into the [Donald] Trump stuff… — David Cross Followers Copy Share Image
I stand by everything I said. I absolutely can defend my material, and I take issue with people who say, "It's just… — David Cross Comedian Copy Share Image
“I guess the lesson to be learned from the [Catholic] church is that while homosexuality is a sin against GOD, molestation and… — David Cross Children Copy Share Image
I'd be curious to find out, but I don't think people in the entertainment industry are proportionally more or less serious politically… — David Cross Copy Share Image
Aqua Teen Hunger Force is one of the funniest shows on TV and I was a little intimidated working with those guys… — David Cross Aqua Copy Share Image
High Times magazine is a notch intellectually below Highlights for Children. I mean, they're both great to read when you're baked, but… — David Cross Copy Share Image
![“I think for a lot of people, it's just where their saturation point was. Once you get into the [Donald] Trump stuff and the Republican stuff and the Ayn Rand followers, it doesn't let up for about half an hour. It gets hard and stays hard for a while.” quote by David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/dba/david-cross-3386_followers_i-think-for-a-lot-of-people-it-s-just-wh_76534.png)
![“I guess the lesson to be learned from the [Catholic] church is that while homosexuality is a sin against GOD, molestation and rape, well... they're just sins against a child.” quote by David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/027/david-cross-3386_children_i-guess-the-lesson-to-be-learned-from-th_2397410.png)
