Humor can be an incredible lacerating and effective weapon. And that is the way I use it. — Carl Hiaasen Comedy Copy Share Image
It's easy to get distracted by the vaudevillian aspects of the healthcare debate. — Carl Hiaasen Copy Share Image
“Shreave flicked away the dead mosquito. "Don't these things carry the bird flu too?" "No Boyd, that would be a bird.” — Carl Hiaasen Bird flu Copy Share Image
“Nope. He lives over in Boca Raton.” “Oh fuck, Red.” “I know, it’s hor’ble. That’s how come the five hundred a day.” — Carl Hiaasen Copy Share Image
I still do a weekly opinion column for the Miami Herald, and it's like shooting fish in a barrel. Rotten fish. — Carl Hiaasen Copy Share Image
“Coroners made Al Garcia jumpy; they always got so cheery when somebody came up with a fresh way to die.” — Carl Hiaasen Death Copy Share Image
Sunset on the water ought to be a quiet and easy time, but I guess some people can't stand a little silence. — Carl Hiaasen Copy Share Image
When you put on the suits, when you pretend you're honest and you're robbing at a far higher level, these guys deserve… — Carl Hiaasen Copy Share Image
“The message, never stated but avuncularly implied, is that America’s values ought to reflect those of the Walt Disney Company and not… — Carl Hiaasen Copy Share Image
There's this false notion that this is a regional phenomenon, when in fact every state in the union has hardcore rednecks. No… — Carl Hiaasen Copy Share Image
Every writer scrounges for inspiration in different places, and there's no shame in raiding the headlines. It's necessary, in fact, when attempting… — Carl Hiaasen Copy Share Image
“I believe it's never too late to change. I'm eighty-one years old, but I still think I can be a better person… — Carl Hiaasen Better person Copy Share Image
Unfortunately, I don't get to read nearly as much as I want because I'm always working on my own stuff, either the… — Carl Hiaasen Books Copy Share Image
“Don’t order the fish,” Yancy advised Merry when they sat down. “But it’s a seafood joint.” “More like a petri dish with… — Carl Hiaasen Copy Share Image
“It was inevitable that the poacher and the counterfeiter would bond, sharing as they did a blanket contempt for government, taxes, homosexuals,… — Carl Hiaasen Gun laws Copy Share Image
as a lobbyist he had long ago concluded there was no difference in how Democrats and Republicans conducted the business of government.… — Carl Hiaasen Business Copy Share Image
Here's my rule: You always want to pay cash for your own books, because if they look at the name on the… — Carl Hiaasen Book Copy Share Image
I've never before had the same main character appear in consecutive novels, but I liked Yancy and his attitude, and I was… — Carl Hiaasen Attitude Copy Share Image
I got overwhelmed by the magnitude of the celebrity culture in America. My background is as a news journalist, and newsrooms in… — Carl Hiaasen America Copy Share Image
Sometimes you're going to be faced with situations where the line isn't clear between what's right and what's wrong.Your heart will tell… — Carl Hiaasen Brain Copy Share Image
When I'm deciding to read a book, I never open to the first chapter, because that's been revised and worked over 88… — Carl Hiaasen Copy Share Image
“Earl, you can’t walk around with a lead slug up your bottom. It’s bound to affect your outlook.” Tool jerked his hand… — Carl Hiaasen Leadership Copy Share Image
Bangkok 8 is one of the most startling and provocative mysteries that I've read in years. The characters are marvelously unique, the… — Carl Hiaasen Bangkok Copy Share Image
“Dragging baits in the ocean was different than jigging for walleyes in the lake back home.” — Carl Hiaasen Fish Copy Share Image
“Buck’s girlfriend went by the porny name of Miracle though she had a master’s in computer science from Florida State.” — Carl Hiaasen Computer science Copy Share Image
They have a crystalline sense of right and wrong; it disappears when they walk out the door with their M.B.A. — Carl Hiaasen Copy Share Image
“From the pancake house I drive directly to the county morgue. The contrast is not especially striking.” — Carl Hiaasen Morgue Copy Share Image
“Each week the writers strived to portray the brothers on a social bandwidth halfway between harmless rednecks and odious white trash. It… — Carl Hiaasen Brotherhood Copy Share Image
When I was writing Razor Girl, I thought it would be fun to have a redneck TV family that was really just… — Carl Hiaasen Actors Copy Share Image
We've always been fascinated with movie stars and singers, but the fascination with people who really have nothing to offer is something… — Carl Hiaasen Copy Share Image
“The man's a born straggler, Honey thought, another lucky exception to the rules of natural selection. A million years ago he would've… — Carl Hiaasen Natural selection Copy Share Image
From my experience, politicians are much more uncomfortable being made fun of than they are being preached at and screeched at -… — Carl Hiaasen Fun Copy Share Image
No deliberative body is manifestly less qualified to make decisions about public education than our state Legislature. With a few shining exceptions,… — Carl Hiaasen Copy Share Image
I never laugh or smile when I am writing. When I come home for lunch after writing all morning, my wife says… — Carl Hiaasen Copy Share Image
“Avila failed to see irony in the fact that corruptly incompetent building inspections were a chief reason that so many roofs had… — Carl Hiaasen Copy Share Image
“A well-regulated militia,” Bode added, “like they talk about in the Second Amendment.” “Oh,” said Shiner. He hadn’t read the first one… — Carl Hiaasen Amendment Copy Share Image
Like Richard Price and the late, great Elmore Leonard, Matt Burgess is one of those cool, quick and funny writers who can… — Carl Hiaasen Capers Copy Share Image
Obviously you have to make a profit to put out a newspaper. I'm not an idiot. But when the margins are in… — Carl Hiaasen Copy Share Image
“I didn’t tell my parents what happened because they would’ve freaked and gone straight to Dusty Muleman, or maybe even the police,… — Carl Hiaasen Parenting Copy Share Image
