Andy Rooney

In Washington, a confidential assistant is someone who, if you don't want to know something, you go and ask him and he…

— Andy Rooney

“The Christmas tree is a symbol of love, not money. There's a kind of glory to them when they're all lit up…

— Andy Rooney

I've learned... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

— Andy Rooney

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and…

— Andy Rooney

Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people…

— Andy Rooney

I'd be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn't believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each…

— Andy Rooney

I never understood retirement. What is the attraction of retirement? I go down there to Florida and look around and I said,…

— Andy Rooney

The Super Bowl isn't for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by…

— Andy Rooney

Bacon is clearly a food made by the Nazis to fatten up Americans. It has no nutritional value, is full of fat,…

— Andy Rooney

I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn't realize they thought. And…

— Andy Rooney

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean…

— Andy Rooney

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a…

— Andy Rooney

It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to…

— Andy Rooney

People like to say, "You're only as old as you feel," but it isn't true. It's just something old people say to…

— Andy Rooney

We've sent a man to the moon and that's 29,000 miles away. The center of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away.…

— Andy Rooney

I'm already suspicious of anyone who thinks he or she is smart enough to be president. You'd have to have some ego…

— Andy Rooney

When there are starving people in the world, it seems wrong that so many of us Americans eat as much for entertainment…

— Andy Rooney

It's ridiculous for a country to get all worked up about a game—except the Super Bowl, of course. Now that's important.

— Andy Rooney

Don't keep saying, "I don't know where the time goes." It goes the same place it's always gone and no one has…

— Andy Rooney

I spent my first 50 years trying to become known as a writer and the next 30 trying to avoid being famous.…

— Andy Rooney

“I'm an admirer of everything Dr. Martin Luther King stood for, but I don't think he would have stood for this”

— Andy Rooney

I am interested in details. If you go into anything far enough, you get into the details of it, and people turn…

— Andy Rooney

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?". She doesn't…

— Andy Rooney

“I just wish this social institution [religion] wasn't based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an…

— Andy Rooney