The Senate has sent President Obama a spending bill that gives the government enough money to keep going for two weeks. Our… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
I mean, if this [film Age of Trump] wasn't on Netflix, it would be playing at some lovely art house theater on… — Ava DuVernay Copy Share Image
Winning is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing. Sure, there’s the talent, but there also has to be the will. Give me… — Larry Ellison Copy Share Image
Well, we're just a couple of weeks from new President Barack Obama being sworn in. And he's been very busy naming a… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture…He takes upon himself… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There are a lot of good looking men on this planet. It seems like once a week someone will tell me, "I… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
The very first Walnut Whales recording was recorded just a few weeks after I had started singing, out of the blue, started… — Joanna Newsom Copy Share Image
I think it will bring back discussion about Columbine. When Columbine happened it was the topic of the week, and we shouldn't… — John Robinson Copy Share Image
The Art of Success . . . Success is ninety-nine percent mental attitude. It calls for love, joy, optimism, confidence, serenity, poise,… — Wilferd Peterson Copy Share Image
With a song, it only takes a couple of minutes to go back to the beginning and try it again to see… — Ben Folds Copy Share Image
If you're here for four more years or four more weeks, you're here right now. I think when you're somewhere, you ought… — Jerry Stahl Copy Share Image
We take pictures because we can't accept that everything passes, we can't accept that the repetition of a moment is an impossibility.… — Michelle Richmond Copy Share Image
God helps me for sure every day and at every contest. I broke my hand and had to get surgery on it.… — Nick Goepper Copy Share Image
I used to give her [my wife] to read the column every week before I sent it to the editors. And sometimes… — Sayed Kashua Copy Share Image
I was spurred by the fact that having worked for women's magazines myself as a journalist, if you go off and interview… — Caitlin Moran Copy Share Image
It was really special for Bass Pro Shops to take Tracker off the side and put Joplin, Missouri on there. They have… — Jamie McMurray Copy Share Image
Arnold Schwarzenegger didn't become Mr. Universe because he went to the gym every now and then. He did it on a regular… — Tiffany Haddish Copy Share Image
In Canada the cancer death rate is 16% higher than in the U.S. because of rationing of medical care. It takes an… — Dick Morris Copy Share Image
Faria Alam whined about the invasion of her privacy in yet another lucrative interview earlier this week. There is very good money… — Rod Liddle Copy Share Image
The constant education is what keeps me interested. That's what absolutely fascinates me about this job. This week, I'm playing a faerie.… — Robert Kazinsky Copy Share Image
Law Number XVI: In the year 2054, the entire defense budget will purchase just one aircraft. This aircraft will have to be… — Norman Ralph Augustine Copy Share Image
Yeah, we shot ourselves in the foot right out of the gate. The guy who ran it at first misled pretty much… — Al Franken Copy Share Image
I used to take my mother to Yosemite. When I turned 14, I got my driver's license, and that's where she'd want… — Dave Brubeck Copy Share Image
I've been married five times, and people think that's some bizarre thing, yet I've got buddies who refuse to get married and… — Billy Bob Thornton Copy Share Image
Always make sure you have your rent. At the end of the month, if you have to eat Ramen for a week… — Beth Behrs Copy Share Image
I knew that nobody could be on television week after week as themselves and exist for any length of time, because no… — Jackie Gleason Copy Share Image
To play today in London, next week in Madrid and the week after that in Warsaw is a bit better than playing… — Norman Granz Copy Share Image
WrestleMania is a week of activities and family-oriented fun, and then there is the special night at the end of it where… — Rey Mysterio Copy Share Image
Some had the custom of receiving the Eucharist daily, some twice a week, some on the Lord's day, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday,… — Martin Chemnitz Copy Share Image
I still have people coming up to me, and it was, what, six or seven years ago when that finale aired? And… — Julie Benz Copy Share Image
With short hair you have to get a haircut every two or three weeks. And if you're coloring your hair, you have… — Jamie Lee Curtis Copy Share Image
Conquering matter is to understand it, and understanding matter is necessary to understanding the universe and ourselves: and that therefore Mendeleev's Periodic… — Primo Levi Copy Share Image
The person who has the guts to ask themselves 'Why?' at least once a week, and be totally honest with themselves about… — Mark Bouris Copy Share Image
The BBC said I could stay on air until I was named. Well, I was named within the week. So I made… — Paul Gambaccini Copy Share Image
The Devil, too, sometimes steals human children; it is not infrequent for him to carry away infants within the first six weeks… — Martin Luther Copy Share Image
The pedigree's pretty high. For people who are really scary movie fans, this is nirvana. If you're in the mood to get… — John Landis Copy Share Image
There should be a detective show called "Johnny Monkey," because every week you could have a guy say "I ain't gonna get… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
Gasoline inventories are tighter than they were a few weeks ago. It's all about perception, because inventories are well above where they… — Kyle Cooper Copy Share Image
Yeah, I know, but word came from Artemis herself that she wanted him here. Looks like we’re having a psycho reunion this… — Sherrilyn Kenyon Copy Share Image
Anybody who writes knows the horrible, wonderful, beautiful foulness that comes every week. A lot of moaning, screaming agony - "Oh my… — Jerry Saltz Copy Share Image